Don't give me sympathy for what I'm about to say.
He's gone. He's not coming back. He's gone forever. I'm never going to see him again. I hear him every time I go to bed and every time I wake up. I see his face in the mirror and his chair. I don't want to admit it but he is dead. I'll never see him again. Hear his voice or see his face. He's gone and he's not coming back. He's left me for good. I tried to con my way into thinking he's just away for a little bit and that I'll see him soon, but tonight I've realized, he's never coming back. Dead as can be. Lonely as can be. Cold as can be. He's just gone, out of thin air.
He stopped breathing that night and I never got to say goodbye. He's dead and I can't face it. I cry myself to sleep because I can't hug him goodnight, or kiss him goodnight. I'm scared I'll mess up with everyone else like I did him.
He's gone.
I try to convince myself everyday. But I never can. It's just a masc of happiness and a counterfeit love. Everything is fake since he's been gone. No point in even trying to tell the truth because no one will care. Or if they do, they won't believe me. No point in trying to confess my feelings because no one will care. I write this hoping one day, someone will read this and ask me what's wrong until I tell them everything. Hoping that maybe one day someone will care. I want to so badly to show this to someone but no one will care. They'll act like they do for my sake but once they realize I'm a stupid girl who wanted attention they'll leave. They all do. Knifes and blades are all I can think about but I never want to touch one. It's too early and revolting to talk about. I don't want to be thought of a freak who cuts and gets attention and sympathy for it. I just want someone to care. That's all I ever want.