Hello Risha!
I read your description, you rally have an amazing mastery of English despite it not being your first language (it ain't my first too, I started learning two years ago! -high five!-), you also said you had bottled up feelings and a miserable childhood. I'm not here to say 'I'm sorry for you!' but to actually try to do something about it! If you want, we can talk and become friends, I would be glad to hear about you and share my own story with you!
With lots of love ❤️,
-Fairytail_diary
FairyConstellation77