Alright Imma rant a bit, so there is this guy that I have been crushing on for 5 years. We used to be really really good friends but then he got popular and I did not. So naturally, I was forgotten. I guess I have always had a small crush on him but this year it has blown out of proportion. Like, this is not an exageration, everytime I close my eyes I see him and I dream about him (no, not that kind of dream) every night. Like last night, in my dream, we were hanging out at school in the library and I stole his phone, he chased me and picked me up and spun me around and then I woke up and cried. Also he knows that I like him because my best friend told him (which by the way, completely against the girl code). So now its awkward anytime I see him. A couple of times I have caught him looking at me when I am looking at him and he always looks away. I know it means nothing but still. And then, during gym we were playing dodgeball and we collided and it was the most awkward thing on this planet. Anyway, ugh. Just seeing him makes me happy. I know his smell too, it hasn't changed since 3rd grade. Everyone keeps saying that he's a bad person and I always defend him because I feel like I have to. He promised me he would never be a bad person like his dad (who is in jail for drugs). I don't know why I still believe he kept that promise, he probably doesn't remember that or me. But anytime I see him I just want to scream "YOU PROMISED ME" but of course I can't. Also Im ugly so he would never like me. I hate to say it, but he is what made me cut again. Wanting him so bad but him not even remembering me. Alright, that's all for now about my depressing life. (Also, I went and saw 5 feet apart. Oh my god, me and my friend were hugging each other sobbing, while our other two friends were laughing at us cause they're bitches lol)