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A month without uploading he comes back with a tag - whoo
That no one even tagged him he's not a challenge to drag - ouch
So prepare for an attack and by that I mean cringe - cringe
Cause this motherfuckers bout to be dragged by his fringe
First things first you're freakishly tall it's weird you look like a noodle - true
You've got hair that was cool in 2007 and wet you just took like a poodle - hobbit
Throw in a really annoying posh voice and yep that's dan - posh
You're what would happen if winnie the pooh fucked slender man
You procrastinate making videos, cause being judged is scary? - ooh
You're so close to being forgotten, the hate's imaginary - woah
The only reason you get views is you're another white guy
That people ship with his friend cause they think it's kawaii
Oh
Reasons why dan's a fail (Yay!)
I'll give you some
You never tweet you overeat all you do is cry and sleep
You're jokes are shitposts and memes with no originality - uh huh
Your family's sad your flopped your law degree at university
And anything embarrassing that's from your past you just delete
You were vegan for like three weeks then what you missed the meat? - milk
Wow I'm so impressed by your clear moral integrity
You try so hard to be peaceful and diplomatic
But can't make toast without tumblr saying you're problematic - boo
I could go on there's more if I check
There's more things on this list than chins on your neck
On your birthday you joked you were a quarter way to death
100? yeah when getting out of bed makes you out of breath - real
So your celebrity crush was j-law but now it's evan p - mhmm
Wtf even is your sexuality
It's hard to put you in a box when you keep it so blurry - what is it
I think it's just to hide that you're secretly a furry
I'm joking
Obviously
Okay that went deep
Repress it? Yup!
Before I start crying let's wrap this shit up