Suggestions
1) Try to break ur paragraphs, they are way too long. Make them smaller, like how u did in chapter 14
2) Don't use short forms, its a book.....not a text msg (sorry if this appears rude)
3) It is confusing to read when there isn't proper punctuation. But, experience will make u a better writer. It's ok if there are mistakes.....just learn from them and make the next chapters better. It's understandable that its ur first book.....im helping u to make it perfect.