Confession born of sleepless nights: what brought on all the angst in "Someday"?
I've been accepted by a college in the US - I start this autumn. That's four years away from home at the very least. And I don't plan on coming back to Vietnam afterwards except for short visits; don't get me wrong, I love my country, but I feel like it's not the kind of environment I can really thrive in.
And I'm satisfied with that decision, I really am. If I had the chance to go back in time, I wouldn't do anything different.
But the thing is: I'm officially moving out, I'll be away from my family long-term for the first time in my life, and to top it all off I'll be halfway across the world. Usually I think about how much I look forward to the adventure, and how much easier things will be for me in an English-speaking environment. But when I lie awake at night, I can't help but remember what I'm leaving behind.
Never again will I sleep in this bed. Never again will I eat with my noisy family. My own cat will forget my scent - never again will she let me get close.
My grandpa left for half a year, once, to do some work in his hometown (and he wasn't too fond of phone calls). My family quickly adjusted to his absence, and after a few days we barely noticed the empty seat at the dining table. It was just... so easy to go about our lives like he had never existed in the house.
It's no stretch to assume that the same will happen after I leave. Good for my family, obviously - pining solves no problems - but to think that, in a way, they'll forget me...
God, my brother's still so young. He won't even remember what it's like to live with an older sister.
I'm satisfied with my decision. But I regret it too. And. If this is what homesickness feels like with half a year left at home, how am I supposed to deal with it when I'm actually gone?
