Bella232

I feel like I'm slowly dying, and it's pathetic
           nothing is worth anything anymore 
          I can't cry or let it out 
          I have no one to understand me
          Or at least to listen to me
          I'm not alone, but why?
          Why am I starting to feel lonely?
          I'm tired of this life 
          I'm tired of everything, and everyone.
          

You seem pretty avoidant for a girl so desperate for love...

If i closed my eyes too fast
          Maybe this pain will vanish 
          Like it never existed in the first place
          Maybe if i breathed too low 
          It will calm me down 
          Maybe if my temperature dropped
          It will cool my thoughts, too
          Maybe my brain will surrender 
          Maybe my body will imitate the stillness 
          Of the dead
          Maybe if i died, it all would die too, maybe?
          Maybe or maybe not
          Maybe if this world knew peace, we wouldn't be right here, right??
          It's always the complexity of ever existing
          And never existing
          it's kind of a contrast that will lead your brain into a paradox 
          If we all thought this 
          Why are we still arguing and trying to breathe 
          It's kind of funny 
          How are our thoughts and bodies works separately 
          In the end, it's the one who doesn't think in the first place who doesn't lose in this idea..

Do you ever wish to disappear ..? just to be gone for a moment to take a breath to relax to focus to just be you or maybe to be back in your comfort zone especially if you were away for too long and were in so much stress .. but sometimes I just want to be bored. I want to be bored. I want to be back in my family house doing nothing feeling.... safe 
          When did I even stop feeling safe ..? 

And I won't confess that I waited
          But I let the lamp burn...
          As the men masqueraded 
          I hoped you'd return....

هاي سنة عبارة عن
          نص الكوكب ماتو
          النص التاني خطبو وتزوجو
          والنص التالت خلفو
          وفي ناس حمير رابعة بدرسو وبعيطو 
          ابصر انو واحد انا منهم؟ 
          

And it was not an invitation....
          But I flew home anyway
          Just to whisper at your grave 
          How much I missed you...

And you can think that's a small thing that happened ...
          But the world ended when it happened to me.

احلام وتراهات وما هي إلا 
          واقع يؤلم وما انا بناظرة إلى أي شيء 
          لعلي انسى أين كنت واين اكون لعل هذا الحلم الذي تحول لكابوس يكون بظلام مخيلتي فأنسى من انا
          وانسى من اكون وانسى من انت وانسى كل شيء
          ولكني لا اريد ان انسى من تكون اريد ان تكون في قلبي
          ولكن قلبي يؤلم جدا لتحمل كل هذه المآسي
          اريد ان اتذكرك ولا اتذكر ما يحيط بك
          سقطت عباراتي وانا اشتاق لك
          اريد ان تراني بأحسن احوالي
          ولكن كيف اكون بأحسن احوالي وانت لست موجود
          قلبي يعتصر من الألم لا أقوى الكتابة ولا الحديث بدون القلم
          يا ليتني مت مكانك ولم انم ..

احلام... هل ستصبح حقيقة المستقبل فقط من يحمل الاجابة ..
          اخطو أولى خطواتي و كلي اصرار ولكن اتمنى ان تكون الظروف معي ليس ضددي ..