lolzers196

this whole lolzers arc is finally coming to an end. it was bound to happen... still though, thanks for all of the support. it means a lot to me. 
          	
          	(biar kayak membre grad, kita cerita dulu kali, ya)
          	
          	when i started this account, i actually didn't have a certain goal. i thought that getting at most 2k reads would be enough. i just wanted to have an output for my stories. but then, as you can see, i ended up gaining a bit more than i expected. the feedback was also good. people kept on saying that my story was good and that it was able to invoke certain emotions. it was nice. at that time, i went crazy, updating every week, writing 1000k words per day, just for those notifications. it wasn't healthy, i knew it. but i pushed on because it's the only thing that made me feel something. yeah, i was and still am going through a rough patch in life, so this whole account (and jkt48 in general actually) felt like an escape. 
          	
          	then february came. i actually said that i was gonna go on a hiatus, but ended up returning after a month. from then on, i was already wondering about the purpose of this account. i wanted to announce more hiatuses, but i was afraid it was only gonna last one month. so, i kept writing, just less intensely. a few months came and went by, i still couldn't shake off this feeling. even from the very beginning i felt like what i was doing was immoral. it was so bad of me to borrow their names for clout. i know im a bad person for that, but at the time, the good outweighed the bad.
          	
          	in the end, i couldn't hold on. i even deleted the app on my phone because i was addicted to the pings. i would only access it through my laptop.  
          	
          	as i've mentioned in the farewell post, it started late july. my guilt was eating me alive. and personal matters in my real life was also starting to catch up. it just wouldn't be healthy for me to go on. my mind has grown toxic. 
          	
          	so, yeah, that's the long story. don't worry, i'll finish memento vivere before leaving completely.

lolzers196

@breadjinniieeee hi, its alr. i appreciate your effort in writing this message lol. thank you for the compliments. im flattered now (you fed my ego). im very grateful that my existence can inspire someone. yknow whats funny, i just finished reading your story this morning lol. its so good (or maybe im biased because spm is my way of life… idk). i legit almost jumped off my balcony because of that “religion plays such a big role” line in front of the Al Azhar mosque. the 196 from my usn is literally spm’s release date (thats how much i love it). that was also why i was taken by surprise when i saw a story about them that is inspired by my favorite movie.
          	  
          	  anyway, i believe that you have potential—not potential—youre already good, but it just needs a little more polish. if you ever need any help, you can just dm me on twitter, i cant promise a fast response, but ill be sure to help. 
          	  
          	  ok, this is getting too long. i guess ill end it with: thank you for the wishes. i also wish you well!
• Reply

breadjinniieeee

hi Kak sorry kalau tiba-tiba reply gini. But I just want to tell u my deepest thanks for making Gre/Greecyn oneshot and memento vivere di wp, all of ur works di X and TT. With a bunch of sweet parts AND ALL OF BEAUTIFUL STORIES, yang dimana karya kakak is the reason I wrote a story about Greecyn too.
          	  
          	  Like u should know Kak that u’re one of the authors who helped me discover my love for writing stories or maybe specifically Greecyn in general  Dan komen Kakak di story Aku itu aku abadiin karna kapan lagi diapresiasi sama oshi sendiri 
          	  
          	  Kakak jadi motivasi Aku nulis dan ngikutin jejak Kakak, but w/ ur newest update that breaks me into pieces, but I can't do anything, I just want to let u know I support ur decision. My wish for u is that life becomes what u want it to. Have a great day, year and life ahead ya Kak^^
• Reply

lolzers196

wait mb, i meant 1k, mana ada 1000k. i haven't even written 1 mill words in total LMAOOO. 
          	  
          	  anyway, i wanted to add on to the text before. i just didn't want this to have a real life consequence on them. love it or hate it, shipping can ruin relationships. i no longer want to take part in a culture that ruins people's relationships. i don't want to promote that, i don't want to make everything worse. it's just how it is. so, that's why i'll probably never return or if i do, i will no longer be using their names.
• Reply

lolzers196

this whole lolzers arc is finally coming to an end. it was bound to happen... still though, thanks for all of the support. it means a lot to me. 
          
          (biar kayak membre grad, kita cerita dulu kali, ya)
          
          when i started this account, i actually didn't have a certain goal. i thought that getting at most 2k reads would be enough. i just wanted to have an output for my stories. but then, as you can see, i ended up gaining a bit more than i expected. the feedback was also good. people kept on saying that my story was good and that it was able to invoke certain emotions. it was nice. at that time, i went crazy, updating every week, writing 1000k words per day, just for those notifications. it wasn't healthy, i knew it. but i pushed on because it's the only thing that made me feel something. yeah, i was and still am going through a rough patch in life, so this whole account (and jkt48 in general actually) felt like an escape. 
          
          then february came. i actually said that i was gonna go on a hiatus, but ended up returning after a month. from then on, i was already wondering about the purpose of this account. i wanted to announce more hiatuses, but i was afraid it was only gonna last one month. so, i kept writing, just less intensely. a few months came and went by, i still couldn't shake off this feeling. even from the very beginning i felt like what i was doing was immoral. it was so bad of me to borrow their names for clout. i know im a bad person for that, but at the time, the good outweighed the bad.
          
          in the end, i couldn't hold on. i even deleted the app on my phone because i was addicted to the pings. i would only access it through my laptop.  
          
          as i've mentioned in the farewell post, it started late july. my guilt was eating me alive. and personal matters in my real life was also starting to catch up. it just wouldn't be healthy for me to go on. my mind has grown toxic. 
          
          so, yeah, that's the long story. don't worry, i'll finish memento vivere before leaving completely.

lolzers196

@breadjinniieeee hi, its alr. i appreciate your effort in writing this message lol. thank you for the compliments. im flattered now (you fed my ego). im very grateful that my existence can inspire someone. yknow whats funny, i just finished reading your story this morning lol. its so good (or maybe im biased because spm is my way of life… idk). i legit almost jumped off my balcony because of that “religion plays such a big role” line in front of the Al Azhar mosque. the 196 from my usn is literally spm’s release date (thats how much i love it). that was also why i was taken by surprise when i saw a story about them that is inspired by my favorite movie.
            
            anyway, i believe that you have potential—not potential—youre already good, but it just needs a little more polish. if you ever need any help, you can just dm me on twitter, i cant promise a fast response, but ill be sure to help. 
            
            ok, this is getting too long. i guess ill end it with: thank you for the wishes. i also wish you well!
• Reply

breadjinniieeee

hi Kak sorry kalau tiba-tiba reply gini. But I just want to tell u my deepest thanks for making Gre/Greecyn oneshot and memento vivere di wp, all of ur works di X and TT. With a bunch of sweet parts AND ALL OF BEAUTIFUL STORIES, yang dimana karya kakak is the reason I wrote a story about Greecyn too.
            
            Like u should know Kak that u’re one of the authors who helped me discover my love for writing stories or maybe specifically Greecyn in general  Dan komen Kakak di story Aku itu aku abadiin karna kapan lagi diapresiasi sama oshi sendiri 
            
            Kakak jadi motivasi Aku nulis dan ngikutin jejak Kakak, but w/ ur newest update that breaks me into pieces, but I can't do anything, I just want to let u know I support ur decision. My wish for u is that life becomes what u want it to. Have a great day, year and life ahead ya Kak^^
• Reply

lolzers196

wait mb, i meant 1k, mana ada 1000k. i haven't even written 1 mill words in total LMAOOO. 
            
            anyway, i wanted to add on to the text before. i just didn't want this to have a real life consequence on them. love it or hate it, shipping can ruin relationships. i no longer want to take part in a culture that ruins people's relationships. i don't want to promote that, i don't want to make everything worse. it's just how it is. so, that's why i'll probably never return or if i do, i will no longer be using their names.
• Reply