You’re writing is amazing lil . . . ! I just have one recommendation. Your writing includes large amounts of sensory detail, it almost plays a movie in my mind, for every sentence written . . . But it seems as if you’re going to fast. Try to slow down the writing. It’s a lot to contemplate in a short amount of writing. And it feels as if your rushing the story, without realizing. Try to slow down, and not hop from one scene to the next. Other then that small, “ick” (not even) this story is great so far. Im excited to see where its headed!! (:
