lovcbae
does anyone want to share socials to keep in touch?
lovcbae
lovcbae
hiiii does anyone want to talk
sxndcigs
omg found you
IM VIVI DO YOU REMEMBER ME
lovcbae
hiiii
viledaughter
hi omg do u remember me or what ☠️
lovcbae
this is a rant]
i really haven't done this in a long time. and there aren't as many times in which i thought about ranting as it used to. i don't know what to do with myself. i don't really have what to complain about. i have friends, i hang out with them a lot, my social life is fine, i don't really hate my appearance right now either, i don't really dislike the person that i am. but i feel empty. i feel so lonely. i feel like i am enough for every one else but myself. i am scared but i don't even know of what. i find myself staying up at night because my heart is beating so fast and i can't sleep because of it. i am not sure what i am scared of. but i am terrified. every day that passes is the same, and no matter how many things i do in a day, at the end of it i feel empty. I'm never happy with myself. i don't hate myself, i don't dislike the person i am, but i don't like myself either. im not sure how to live with myself. im scared that maybe i am not sure who am i becoming. why have i been so happy lately? why don't i worry so much anymore, why don't i cry so much anymore, why don't i care. i tell myself it's because it's summer break, im relaxing, im enjoying myself, but i don't really think that's the case. i want to be honest i really want to be but i don't even know what i want from myself. i am not happy that i am happy. i miss being sad. i found comfort in that. no one asks me how i am anymore, no one notices me anymore and it makes me ask myself, have i really gotten better? i don't want to get better.
lovcbae
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i wish i could think and think until i can't think anymore and write and write until i don't feel my feelings anymore i wish i was happy i wish i was happy i so wish i was happy without feeling guilty without craving being sad, because what if maybe and just maybe i am better and i am not unstable anymore? then what if i was just faking it? what if everyone leaves me? what if there's no reason to stay by my side anymore? what if maybe i am getting better and while i was low nobody noticed me so ill forever regret not speaking up? what if i am happy for too long and forget the person that was fighting just to stay alive? what if i become someone that i don't recognize anymore and be happy, could i ever be happy?
i want to be happy i want to feel okay i know i said i want to think but i don't, i don't want to have the ability to think anymore i just want to be happy without having a thought in my head, just be happy and love myself, just feel satisfied with myself, just feel like i am enough for myself without feeling like i left myself behind, without feeling like i am ashamed. i just wish i could just move on without feeling guilty.im scared of becoming like my dad. im so scared yet i am just like him exactly like him. i get mad, i yell, i try to manipulate, i try to make people scared of me. im scared of becoming my dad because if i do that means i failed everything in my life. every single thing. if i become like my dad, ill have to leave forever with his memory haunting me. I'd have to live forever with him by my side. there's no day in which someone doesn't cry in this house, because of him. im not sure what goes on his mind. but am i allowed to feel okay when my brother is hurting? am i allowed to feel alright when he does all these fucked up things and call them education. i don't know what to do with myself.
lovcbae
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offensive
im scared that if i get better, people will forget about me. i will be left behind. it's inevitable. im scared of becoming like my dad. im so scared yet i am just like him exactly like him. i get mad, i yell, i try to manipulate, i try to make people scared of me. im scared of becoming my dad because if i do that means i failed everything in my life. every single thing. if i become like my dad, ill have to leave forever with his memory haunting me. I'd have to live forever with him by my side. there's no day in which someone doesn't cry in this house, because of him. im not sure what goes on his mind. but am i allowed to feel okay when my brother is hurting? am i allowed to feel alright when he does all these fucked up things and call them education. i don't know what to do with myself. i just wish i wouldn't feel so empty, i just wish i would like myself more, but even that falls under my fault. what do i do with myself? i wish time could stay still.
lovcbae
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why is chuck schuldiner so fucking pretty
lovcbae
does anyone want to listen to a really quick rant?
lovcbae
i miss her so bad
rosiezn
hellooo dee
