Shinon Ayuzawa

After days of feeling like I was losing my mind, there were times I thought I couldn't breathe. I felt like I wouldn't survive. There were days I couldn't eat, and times I dreaded going to sleep, only to wake up in the middle of the night to the silence where her snoring used to be. I felt an unexplainable anxiety and emptiness that made everything worse. I felt like I was dying from the pain.
          
          ​Yet, here I am. Still missing her. Still thinking of her. I try to get her off my mind, but she made such a mark on my life that I constantly notice her absence. 
          
          Just a couple of days ago, I took myself on a museum date to calm this heartache. But when I got there, I saw paintings my ex would have loved, or a statue she would have laughed at with me. Even when I’m cooking, I’ll notice the meat juices gelling, the kind she used to love snacking on. 
          
          And it hits me. I do miss her. I really do. I’m not necessarily hoping for her to come back, but at the same time, I would love to spend time with her. I don’t know how to explain it. I’m still in love with her, and it sucks.
          
          ​​I just wish she gets closer to her goals. I hope she is healthy and doesn't put pressure on herself like she always does. She’s a really great person, a ray of sunshine that sunflowers follow. But when she left, she took the light away too.
          
          

Yes, yes you loved a person, you cared and loved her through actions and words. You committed mistakes but the intentions that you have for them is real and pure BUT it didn't work out!
          
          I might look back at this and think "wow, I was so cringe, I was so emotional." Yes you are right. But I need this I guess. I don't know where to go, nor know how to handle myself. 
          
          
          Anyway, this breakup really is a mark on my map. 
          She is, well she was someone that I wished/thought to have future with, someone I wanted to grow old with. I'm still naive I guess. But I don't have nor wish anything bad to fall on her, all I have is love for her.
          
          
          With her I wished to have a home, a home where I told her that my wish for our dream house was;
          
          I wished for our entrance with acceptance, warm hugs, happy greetings. I wished for a kitchen where no one gets shouted at for little mistakes nor ostracized and feel left out. I wished that no one sits on the stairs to listen to arguments or fights. I wished our dream house to have a hallway filled with laughter, with sunshine.
          I wished for a dinning room where everyone can sit and eat without any judgements. I dreamed for a bedroom where no one sleeps angry, feel unloved or alone but rather go to sleep feeling cherished , feeling safe and wrapped in warmth. I wished for a home filled with happiness, love and respect, filled with happy memories.
          
          I wanted our house to like this. I wanted it with you. 
          
          But now, it's gone.
          

What a year! It's only one month in 2026 hahaha.
          I'm going through a really tough time, I can't seem to do anything neither be able to write anything good, nor do I have a good will to live hahahaha so I don't know.
          
          I'm spiraling but keeping it low key, emotionally I feel like I'm gonna explode, physically I'm so damn tired but thanks to my body, it goes into automatic mode, I don't know what I did all day, it's like blur of motions but it's nice to know that I finished another day and I can sleep but that thought is a traitor too since I can't sleep even if I want too.
          
          Hahahaha, I feel like I'm going crazy. It fucking hurts. Sorry for the word but this, I don't like this, it's exhausting, it's fucking exhausting to be breaking down all fucking day. 
          
          I'm tired so tired to only cry and cry. Hahaha I'm fucking emotional all the time and it's exhausting.
          
          

Hello, hello, I'm typing this message cause I'm using the new keyboard that my wonderful, caring, and beautiful girlfriend has given me for my birthday, and together with my dad's speaker gift, I'm vibing with ''Flores'' by Latin Mafia

Wow, an active author in this year?!? 

Chasing growth meant leaving behind the comfort of the familiar. But sometimes, I still wonder what I lost in the process.
          
          If I had stayed, would things have continued to grow, or would they have fallen apart anyway?
          
          The truth is, I’ll never know. I’m chasing a ghost of what could’ve been, haunted by what ifs and the lingering thought that maybe, just maybe, I could’ve shaped the present into something different.
          
          I think every parent, every grandparent, has faced something like this, the quiet ache of choices made, paths taken or not.
          
          The ghost we chase can be a person, a decision, a moment when we wish we had acted differently. Sometimes, we think we could have saved it. Sometimes, we think we could have saved ourselves.
          
          But at the end of the day, after all the circling thoughts and endless what ifs, it’s still just a ghost, one that will always find a way to haunt you.
          
          
          The song “Multo” by Cup of Joe really embodies how the past lingers like a presence you can’t quite touch, but never fully let go of.
          
          

What happened to kayla n jaq??

Burnt cheesecake 

" In my drafts, in each paper, I killed them. Every characters I've created so far, I've killed them in every words, in every chapter of my book.
          Letting them disappear, something I've struggled to do for myself. 
          
          Using my ink as the weapon for them to be erased in their own stories. 
          
          In each scene, I made it out in ways I could think of doing it for myself. 
          
          The only thing that is holding me back is fear. 
          
          I don't know, I know I'm innocent but I feel the blood on my hands with each character I kill. 
          
          I feel like I'm killing every version of me. "
          
          - draft #1
          
          
          
          I dunno if I could go this way for the future book. Let me know what you guys think.

Modern Family is so hilarious and witty to the point that if it is released today it wouldn't even get out of pilot ep.