@lovee_xplr
Okay, so I'm watching Criminal Minds right now, cause I love it. But I'm uncomfortable because someone who has the same name as me on the show is dead and they keep saying stuff like "(my name) is dead." And honestly, I'm not sure how to feel about it...
I just wanted to rant.
I've been going to therapy for coming up to a year now. I have been diagnosed with depression and an anxiety disorder, ADHD possibly, too. And since I started therapy, I've been told several times (especially by my grandma) that I don't need therapy. There's nothing wrong with me. I should just get over it. There's no reason to be anxious. There's no reason to be depressed.
I have plenty of reasons, not that you even fucking need any. But I've had plenty of trauma in my life, I just don't speak about it. I've picked up on phrases and habits that have become damaging to my current self that I've been trying to lessen for several years. I have had trauma from friendships, from family, from moving all the fucking time, from many things.
I know sometimes it's a bit difficult to understand when you haven't experienced it yourself, but don't get mad at me when I have an anxiety attack, don't get upset with me if I can't get out of bed, don't be disappointed in me when I don't want to make plans with friends. There's reasons for this. I don't talk about them with you, but they are valid reasons.
Also, I went for five years, suffering through depression and anxiety before I finally asked for help, because I felt I didn't deserve it. I'm still suffering, but now I have help. Despite therapy, I still have many issues I haven't quite worked through yet.
Sorry for the rant.
I'm still in love with my ex, who is also one of my best friends... I don't think it's smart... Or healthy...
I'm majorly jetlagged, so I'm awake at 5 am. I haven't slept in about 40 hours... Fun.
I just read something that gave me major second hand embarrassment, so I just literally went NOPE, closed the app and aggressively blinked for 5 minutes...
I love my best friend. I genuinely love him. I told him that I wouldn't be texting him for the next two weeks since I have a ton of presentations and exams and he told me that he'll be here whenever I need him and that I shouldn't worry about those things. The little time I won't be spending on school crap will be used for sleeping (which I don't usually do much cause of issues) and reading. Cause I won't have the energy to text even my best friend. And it's not like I will see him at school or anything, we live in different fucking countries! (I used to live in England and that's where we met at school, but then I moved back to Germany, so we don't live close anymore, but he's still my best friend) I genuinely don't know what I would do without him.
I'm a bit pissed at Wattpad now. I was writing a story, cause I felt like it. It had around 30 chapters, or so. I pressed 'delete part'. Just one chapter. One fucking chapter that was useless. It's all gone. It deleted my entire 30 chapter book. Each chapter had 3000-7000 words... I'm pissed.
Thank you for adding my book to your reading list! :)
I have a spider just staying in the corner of my room. I named him Peter after Peter Parker (Spider-Man, ya know) It was either Peter, Tom or Andrew, my sister had to help me choose... She chose well, I believe. Anyway, Peter went missing and I decided to scare my sister by telling her that my door was open and he could have left my room... Is that mean...? Oh well! Anyway, thanks for reading my announcement about my new baby, Peter the Spider... ♥️♥️♥️
So, I finally tested negative for Covid, so I'm going back to school tomorrow. I missed more than two weeks of school, and literally, my first hour on my first day back, I'm writing a big test... Yay... And I have another test on Thursday, plus two tests I have to make up because I missed them... I can't wait for the easter holidays...