in honor of suicide prevention month, this is my story:
i moved schools in fifth grade. that’s when the bullying started. i was new and had no friends, so i was an easy target. i became depressed and wanted to kill myself. middle school was’t much better. i was still bullied, just not to my face.
at the time, home wasn’t much better. my mom was with someone who wasn’t good for her, and we had a lot of people living with us. it was horrible and i wanted to die.
in seventh grade, the thoughts became too much. i was self harming. when i had to stop cutting, i itched until my skin peeled. then, middle of 7th grade, COVID hit. at first, it was nice, not being in class, around my bullies, but it slowly ruined my mental health.
8th grade was the year i was questioning my sexuality. my family was homophobic, and i was scared to come out. that ruined my mental health more and more.
i tried to find comfort in things like dying my hair or food, lots of food, and it never helped. i lied to everyone that i was okay, even my therapist. i was ashamed of how i felt. those feelings never went away.
i moved schools in tenth grade, thinking being away would help, it did for a bit. see, tenth grade was a rough year for me. my relationship with my mother was very rocky, i was new, and i was once again, that 5th grade girl.
my mental health was pretty much destroyed. i got rear ended my sophomore year, and i never properly recovered from it, and knowing i’d never be the same ruined my mental health.
when things FINALLY started to look up, my great grandma died. it was the first time i lost a family member. my mental health literally collapsed
11th grade was a blur. i was depressed, i was angry, i was anxious. those thoughts of suicide didn’t come back, but there were nights i wanted to die.
i stayed though. for my little sister. she was just a baby, and i didn’t want her to grow up without me, so i stayed. for her. for my siblings. it was hard and i felt alone.
cmmt
