ein

hello, Sir Mark. :)
          
          I'm currently writing this in Thursday, November 27, 2025. 10:05 PM. 
          
          Thank you for the unforgettable memories, thank you for making those two weeks bearable, thank you for distracting me from every hardship i'm going through. You've been a good teacher, bestfriend, and definitely a good Kuya. Thank you for being one of my anchors, solace, and someone whom i can call home. I miss you, Sir :(

i'm always open to whatever what i am going through—but not to my family. 
          
          why? i don't wanna show how vulnerable, and how weak i am. 

oh, i love to disappear,
          to vanish without a word.
          to let the silence fold around me,
          soft and unassuming,
          to slip between the cracks of ordinary days,
          where no one notices the space i leave behind.
          
          when no one asks who i am,
          when the world keeps turning
          without the sound of my name,
          i think that’s when i breathe easiest—
          somewhere between nowhere and nothing.
          
          i want to drift where the air forgets me,
          where the light falls thin and tired
          and memories lose their shape.
          to be a blur, a hush,
          a shadow without a story.
          
          and in that stillness,
          in that sweet and aching quiet,
          perhaps i could rest—
          not found, not missed,
          just gone.

running back to you, always :)

was in the middle of reading, but then my playlist wanted to stab me by playing 'merry Christmas, i miss you' 
          
          

yep. i was hurt—aching inside, devastated by that emptiness, convinced that i wasn’t wanted.
          
          yet alongside that ache, there was warmth. i felt routed in belonging, secure in moments of genuine joy. i was happy in unexpected ways—laughing at small things, feeling cared for, discovering i could be loveable. i truly felt loved, deeply and undeniably.
          
          life after you brought its own light, new beginnings and healing. but just as powerful was the happiness sparked because of you—the echoes of connection that shaped me.

yep. i was hurt, devastated, felt unwanted.
          
          but i also felt home. i was happy, enjoying, cared, loveable. i indeed felt loved, really. 
          
          there was happiness after you, but there was happiness because of you, too.

if you ever find yourself being lost in the midst of nowhere. look around, and you'll see me smiling and waving at you. 
          
          because no matter what, i'll follow you, silently. to make sure you're not going on the wrong path. and at the same time, i'll wait for the next time you'll need me, you'll want me. 

one, two, three failed talking stages. and yet, i still find myself going back to you. 
          
          i prayed when i met you, i prayed when i had you, i prayed when i lost you, i prayed when i had you back. i prayed to take me back, take me back to the night we met.
          
          in a span of just 11 months full of love, care, desire, hate, lies. and a year and a half of trying to move forward. and then, boom. i still find myself coming back to you no matter what.
          
          oh, wait.. did i even manage to move on? to forget? i hope i can just shrug everything off. but i hate the way that i let myself get stuck on the same situation over and over again. 
          
          i let myself get drowned by my own tears, tears that never got to be wiped. 
          
          so.. do i stay or let you go for real this time? 

habang ako'y sumasayaw, andyan lang siya—nakatingin. na para bang ako lang 'yung nakikita niya, kaysa sa mga magagandang butuin. na para bang tumitigil 'yung oras niya kapag nakatingin siya saakin. 
          
          nagka-tagpo ang aming mga mata, nginitian ko siya. nginitian niya ako ng pabalik. hinila, at ipinalibot ang mga braso sa aking bewang. isinandal ang baba sa aking balikat. bumulong ito,
          
          "wala na akong ibang mahihiling. saksi ang langit saatin, mahal ko."