SEONGJOONG'S FORGOTTEN CHILD

FOUND MY PPL AYYY

Guess who's back?
          
          Back again?
          
          Yeah! I'm back. Not better. But I'm trying lol.
          
          Chapter 4 of Unfaithful Bonds is out after— it's been so long I forgot.
          
          Alright so Imma sleep now. It's 3 am. I stayed up till 2 to put henna on my younger sister, my ma and myself. Didn't turn out as good as I usually do cuz of the damned tumour in my shoulder decided to cramp real bad.
          
           And tomorrow— well today cuz it's almost dawn— is eid. I've got shits to do. Not the wake up, shower, put on the new dress and do make up then take pictures shits. But clean the house, help in the kitchen shits.
          
          Bye-bye ♡

I have no energy to write. Or even read someone else's work. I feel like my brain is just too tired to process words.
          
          So many of my favourite authors are updating. Yet I can't read any.
          
          I promise I'll spam y'all with votes and comments when I finally feel like I have the energy to process shits.
          
          I also promise I'll update later! When I finally feel like I can.
          
          Well, for now, I'll be visiting a doctor again tomorrow ಥ_ಥ
          
          Ly all sm ♡

I just came back from the hospital. Apparently I've been diagnosed with Myolipoma. Though it isn't necessarily dangerous, the pain is still excruciating.
          
          My doctor prescribed meds and suggested to get it surgically removed to avoid further risks of cancer or any other pain since the tumour is pressing against my nerves.
          
          However, my mom is completely against the idea of a surgery. Even though I'm scared, I kinda hoped to get rid of it permanently. But I'm too scared. Scared of my parents' reaction and scared of the surgery. 
          
          My mom suggested I should take the meds and see how it goes since it's quite small. If I can't handle it, they'll discuss the surgery.
          
          My father wants to seek further treatment in the capital. He wants to discuss the matter of surgery with a better doctor.
          
          I wanna stick with my ma and see how things go with the meds.
          
          I'll try and update my books later.
          
          Sorry for all of these yapping I've been doing.
          
           Ly all ♡. Byee

Everything sucks. The FNAC? I don't wanna experience that ever again in my life. Remembering my own scream in that cabin still haunts me. 
          
          Well, the results came out pretty clean. I do have a little tumour in my right shoulder blade. I forgot what it's called. It's non cancerous. That makes it better. 
          
          If it's too painful or uncomfortable, I can get it surgically removed. However, we'll consult my doctor first and figure it out. Because my mom is scared of the idea of a surgery. She hopes it goes away with medicine and I do too.
          
          Idk about the rest of my problems. I'm sick and tired of it. I just wish I could wake up and act like a normal person. And I feel like it's all my fault. Maybe it's my own negligence, my own fucked up routine, my own rebellion...
          
          I sometimes wish I could die. My parents look at me with this sympathy and tells me how they wish I could get better. Tells me how they're pained by my situation. But they also never fails to tell me if I had listened to them, ate properly and followed a proper routine, I wouldn't have ended up like this.
          
          I've been like this for 3 years. Do they think it's easy for me? They're pained as my parents. But I'm the one suffering through it all.
          
          When I try to explain how I'm actually feeling, they'd tell me I'm over thinking, tell me I shouldn't let illness swallow me, try to comfort me and say I'll be fine and that they'd do whatever they can.
          
          They'd try to minimise everything because they're the ones not ready accept how much their daughter might be suffering.
          
          I see it. They're scared. More than I am. And that makes me even more guilty. They're trying to give me the best treatment no matter how expensive it's been. And I feel like I'm not trying hard enough to survive through this.
          
          Idek what I should do. Atp I just wanna do something extremely dumb but I've so many dreams to chase too... I've parents I want to please. I want to live...
          
          I hate it all.

Okaay. So I've been gone for days now. Here's a update for y'all.... MY HEALTH IS SHIT RN. I got my period yesterday and now I'm running a fever. My head is killing me. My whole body is aching. Not to mention the nausea. I've been on medication for that for a long time. The fever isn't too high or anything. But combined with the other problems, I feel like I'm dying. I've already been struggling with my right shoulder for about 4 months. But now because of the fever, it's worse. I was at doctor's the day before yesterday. Even the doctor is confused. They can't come up with what's exactly wrong in my stomach. The doctor mentioned a medical examination. But I'm to young to get that done. He casually mentioned TB because of my breathing problem, weakness, stomach problems, body pain, UTI, etc, etc. I've too many problems to mention them all in here. And TB can be a generational disease....... My father has suffered a lot from TB.... And his brother, my uncle, is still taking TB medication. He just suggested it. But that was enough to scare a 15 years old me. I have to get an FNAC done for my shoulder. Now, I've never been scared of needles. I'm already used to injections or cannula shoved up my veins and etc. But THEY'RE GOING TO PUT A NEEDLE IN MY SHOULDER. That shit genuinely scares me..
          
          Sorry for ranting so much. Ly all ♡

Am I the only one or does Baek Seo Hoo's smile kinda looks like Woo's????

Ooookay so... I'll upload the smut book  #^.^#)

I was laughing under my blanket watching some silly cats and my father thought something happened to me in sleep—
          
          He got so worried I almost feel bad for laughing at him

The 6th chapter of "The Demon In My Dreams" is out! Sorry for my late updates
          
          Ik I said I'll mass update after my exams but now I have more exams next month. These are 50% of our annual grades TT.
          
          But I'll finish this book soon dw.
          
          And get ready for another book! I'll start that one after finishing The Demon In My Dreams. So I'll try to finish it asap
          
          Btw... I've a oneshot book (more like smutshots) in my draft so yeah.... Lmk if you want me to upload that ^^