Pamparampam

Hi Kyl! Could you please critique my story? It's okay if you totally bash it, I won't mind. :) http://www.wattpad.com/story/1906623-you-make-me-feel-so-alive But, if you are busy at the moment, it's fine if you don't. I also do not mean to be rude and pop out from nowhere, but since you claim to be good at english, I think I could use your expertise. 
          
          Oh, I can totally agree to the numbers 2-4 and 7-10 on your 'About Me.'