a probably irrelevant, no good update but i'm just gonna say even so.
so maybe a week and a bit ago, i tried on some school skirts. my sister was no problem, she's slim and fit and i envy her. me, i'm the bigger problem ( literally the bigger problem as i'm not exactly blessed with perfect curves and toned muscles and a flat stomach ) i tried on the skirt. it didn't fit. i cried and had a mental breakdown in front of everyone. in front of my family, the staff. everyone. so as i headed home i decided enough is enough. i'm NOT going to be the fat sister, the fat friend, the fat girls guys take pity on ( that has happened .)
so i woke up at 6 am, went for a 5k run and did some sprints. i struggled and took lots of breaks. but i pulled through. and then i did a hour workout. it hurt, my legs ached and i literally couldn't squat down to go to the loo, what a lovely picture(: !! then the next morning at 6am i went for a run. it was humid and hot as hell, I did it though. i did another workout. core strengthening & leg toning.
i have been doing this every day since. it's been hard. seeing my family at the dining table eating pizza, pasta, etc is VERY triggering.
but it's worth it, it's worth losing the weight. i'm motivated and determined. i will pull through, and eventually i will be able to step on the scales, eventually i will be able to wear a swimsuit, eventually i will be able to wear nicer clothes.
eventually
i won't be
known
as the fat girl.
maybe i will keep you updated on my journey to self love ???