and slowly her sanity drained,
and she became insane.

-me, when I was sitting on the toilet.

sometimes I picture killing myself.
and instead of shaking my head or crying...
I- I smile... because for some odd reason,
I enjoy watching myself die.

because than I know that when Im dead.
all the pain in me that I've held together and 
not gotten help for, has finally ended...
and that makes me smile.