lvstforlifeee
guess who rebranded again. new @ and everything look at me. also i have an insta now follow me at lvst.forlifeee
lvstforlifeee
lvstforlifeee
nothing says flow state like sitting on my ass staring at the ceiling knowing damn well i should probably start the group project due tomorrow
lvstforlifeee
this message may be offensive
hi lovely readers! even the ghost readers i see u. cant hide forever. anyways im sorry about not updating like at all whoops. i write entirely on my macbook and i have to leave it at my dads house now because my mom has a fun little habit of reading through all my messages! and i can't delete them from here in time so yeah.
anyways, if i'm being completely and 100% transparent i've also been struggling a lot lately. theres a constant looming feeling that all my friends are planning to drop me, which is weird because as a kid, i was always super social and made friends easily with zero anxiety. maybe this is just part of growing up. if it is i want to be a child again!
this parts not so fun. my relationship with my parents (mom) has taken a turn for the worse, and the way she tries to fix that is by doubling down on rules, hence me getting my phone taken away etc etc. i promise it may not sound like a lot but theres just other small rules and loopholes etc i feel like im in communist russia and i cant say anything and all my conversations are monitored. again i know there are other people out there going through stuff 100x worse than my life but sometimes it can be tricky.
so yes, my mental health has not been at its peak recently. unfortunately, how i decided to handle that was sh. NO i am not proud of myself. part of me thinks i did it as a cry for help, but then when anybody asks me about it i just say "my cat scratched me" or i wear bracelets to cover the marks.
truth is i'm just not brave enough to talk to anybody about how i'm feeling. growing up, i was taught to push your feelings down and just make it home, where then your pent up emotions come out as aggression towards your family, and you end up saying something to your kid you wish you could've said to your boss. it's fucked up, but what can i do.
cont. in replies xx
lvstforlifeee
this message may be
offensive
@maybankswifee thank you SO MUCH hailey you honestly made me feel a way that i didnt think i was capable of feeling anymore and its really fucking good to know that at least one person on this fucked up planet cares about whoever i have tangled up inside me beneath layers of who i showcase to the world. also im lowkey spitting bars in my notes app i wish i had any musical talent whatsoever i could be the next lana del rey
maybankswifee
@opalitepages also, i didn’t say this before, but i’ve actually been through something really similar. april will be one year since i was at my lowest and not wanting to be here anymore. and i know when people say “it gets better” it can sound fake or like something they’re just supposed to say. i used to roll my eyes at that too. but i’m not saying it to be cliché. i’m saying it because i remember exactly how bad it felt, and i didn’t think i would ever feel okay again. and somehow, slowly, with even the smallest bits of support and random online resources and just holding on, things did change. i’m not saying it fixes overnight. it doesn’t. but you are not stuck like this forever, even if it feels like you are. everything is going to be okay. maybe not instantly, maybe not perfectly, but you are not doomed to feel this way forever.
maybankswifee
@opalitepages also lmk if there's anywhere we can chat on if you'd like to talk about anything you can't with people you know irl <3
lvstforlifeee
imagine i just like randomly came out here and said that chapter 2 is out
lvstforlifeee
@maybankwifee oh i remember now i have short term memory loss and im not wearing my glasses okay </3
lvstforlifeee
guys im writing i swear
lvstforlifeee
MY DAD GOT ME A KITTEN
lvstforlifeee
life sucks bc i was having the WORST case of writers block because i had all the scenes in my head but it wasnt time yet ykwim we need background ladies but luckily i did it and were offish into the thick of chapter 2
maybankswifee
@opalitepages like you quite literally DONT know how to form a scene. it’s like hell. i get it
lvstforlifeee
hailey top 3 hottest sports for a guy to play go. and i swear to god if you say baseball.
lvstforlifeee
@maybankswifee UM BRO DROP THE STORY? also sorry i was gone my mom got mad at me for telling my dad that her bf lives with his parents which is true btw
lvstforlifeee
yall my guy best friend keeps texting me and its lowk weird also he always asks to walk with me and stuff idk im prolly overthinking
lvstforlifeee
in bed. laptop open. blinds shut. blanket mountain. no pants. FLOW STATE FOR WRITING BITCHES