@Chris01928 I don't know exactly how you feel because no one can, you're your own person and your outlook on life is different from everyone else's, however I've been there too except I was suicidal (I never did anything thankfully). one of the greatest lessons I've ever learned is this: it's okay not to be okay. it's okay not to know why you're feeling this way, and you are not alone we're all a bit broken, some more than others (I definitely fit in with the more side). you may not feel like it, but if you were never born, so many great things wouldn't've happened; you wouldn't get to experience so many wonderful things like watching the sunset, listening to your favorite song for the first time, that bliss you feel when you get perfectly comfortable in bed before you go to sleep. I doubt you're a disappointment, think about it, have you ever made your parents smile? that in itself is an accomplishment. in regards to the school problem: you don't have to go if you don't want to. while I strongly believe in having a good education, it is most certainly not a good thing at the cost of your mental health. and lastly about the crying thing: crying is healthy, it's good for you. we all need to cry sometimes; however if you don't think it's an appropriate time or you don't want to cry, you can focus on something meaningless. for example when I feel like I'm going to cry but don't want to, I just focus on "trees". I don't know if it will work for you, but it won't hurt to try. also, if you're having a panic attack, remember to breathe in through your nose and out through your mouth slowly, it will slow your heart rate and calm you down. sorry for the essay of a response, but I hope it helped. if you need anything else, I'm always here
