One thing i want to tell that in life don't stay in or don't choose a joint family. And please don't be weak like me who cannot control emotions, things, who cannot keep parents happy etc. i am very complicated and disgusting person to all . I don't know how much day i will try to be happy but in the end again this fears, panick, regrets, feel dizziness etc will come and my bad luck i have no friends here , near me , close to me , in front of me, face to face whom i just want to hug and to tell this things . But it is ok i know you all are here to hear but i don't know how much day i can communicate with you all in mobile because mobile is not permanent thing and also my thoughts which i fear so much mean i actually afraid of myself , my thoughts which is very dangerous and sometime in my brain come how to harm me , not suicidal way but other way that is very dangerous than suicide . I smile just after seeing that because i know i deserve this much pains and traumatic things .
thanks for love and support .