marcyp11

my birthdays tomorrow

1800urdadleft

@marcyp11 Happy early birthday ✧\(>o<)ﾉ✧
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marcyp11

. i care for others and everyone tells me i should worry about myself and put myself first. i cant.. i really don’t want to either.. i almost attempted suicide a few weeks ago, just sunday i burned my own skin with a lighter to feel some type of emotion yet i felt nothing. My names marcella palmer. I’m 16 years old and quite frankly i’m bout tierd of everything.
          
          All the built up frustration and anxiety is really getting to me, and honestly.. i just don’t care anymore. My grades i finally checked last night and i sat there in shock. That’s the lowest my grades have been sense i was in 7th grade because i had a down fall there as well. Honestly i focus more on helping and being there for others even if they won’t do the same for me. If they’re okay i’m okay. Which i know deep down i shouldn’t do this to myself, but honestly i cant even connect mentally with myself, as i said before i’m more hands on, but sitting in isolation and pondering rather i should even continue or give up gets to me. There’s no other interaction but family, but even then there’s small moments when i’m happy. But it all crushes down because my will to do anything is shattered. No, i’m not suicidal, i can say that now. I just have no will to do anything anymore. if you read this all...thank you..i must go before i regret posting this

marcyp11

this message may be offensive 
Hello everyone it’s me. 
          
          For the past few months sense school has started, i began slowly slipping away from myself. From me being in marching band, i thought i would be happy having those around me. But once it ended everything began to change. On my instagram, to which you can follow @_bxbybunnie_ tons have noticed my sparatic behavior. From my disorder to which i’m not ready to yet share, to the depression showing and lingering onto others. I’ve been dealing with 2 very suicidal people, and it’s been affecting me as well. I’ve been losing friendships, my trust, and my will to do anything. I haven’t wrote anything, i haven’t even been drawing to keep my stress down. Honestly, i didn’t even want to write this either.. but i’m saying i’m dealing with my own depression. It really fucking sucks when people say they’re here, they’re only here when i leave and that’s when they ask what’s wrong. I’ve had only 14 close friends actually reach to me everyday and check on me. Yet i’m distancing because of what i can’t seem to fight against. My grades are fucking horrible, i just checked last night and i might as well drop out. Covid is another cause because i’m more of a hands on learner, but all my grades have dragged down to Fs. Honestly really i shouldn’t even be here, i’ve been feeling so heavy and yet i’m choosing to stay when i could really end it all. But even then i have no point in ending everything because i don’t want people to miss me. I’m always here so there’s no reason to miss me. I know no one is gonna read this either. But honestly if you do.. then... thank you i guess, i’m so completely and utterly dulled out all i’ve been feeling is pain. I’ve hoped to so many people in the craving of loves affection because i’m ignorant to it. what is love if i’m receiving lust. I’ve become so desperate for affection because i can’t find the will to love myself..who can i if i’m not even trying to help myself.