Mari

God I haven't been here in awhile... ANYWAY I'M BACK!!!! Well I've been here for awhile then go in trouble for awhile and then now I'm fully back and well not this best in my mental health but a bit better! Trying to think of anything else other than I don't remember my damn password for this account so I can't change my username I'll check if I'm correct actually but yeah!

-Small update of my personal life:
          
          So I'm going to mexico on the 30th this month so eeeeeeeeee- and I get to go with my dad ofc and maybe my brother his passport is expired oof- he's a expired child lol and my grandparents and parents said well maybe go to the beach so like YAY but my mom's not going cuz she don't have papers oof but maybe me and my whole family will go to mexico in winter break yay and ya also I have a dog well kinda I have a horse or horses and some other dogs and bird- can't remember oof but they're really my grandparents but after all that im gonna take a bath in a BATH TUB- YES A BATH now you might be thinking "Oh why is a bath tub so exciting to you?" Well that because I haven't been in one for 5 years ok maybe 4 but still it's so exciting to me and I get to ride my horse- well shit I forgot about my dog were also gonna bring Leo are golden fat retriever with us he's a puppy well kinda he's like 5 to 6 months now but ya this gonna be fun and it been a year sense I've been there maybe 2 all because of stupid covid- ew but this turned out to be not a very small update but my mental health rn is alr I guess, still having trouble and I'm worrying about next school year and how I will make new friends which won't really happen because I mean I'm weird person an very insure of what I look like and what I do and I guess I'm a very clinging person also who was trouble reading, writing, seeing, hearing, paying attention to things, and you know can speak- I guess I'm mostly worried that I'll get bullied or something that you know can push me over the edge I mean I'm trying to be nice and all but ofc that's just me being a people pleaser and a door mat- I'm saying I'm worried about school but excited to see my grandparents...I will be fine I guess I'm just gonna be a bit more lonely but I'll be find I hope- 
          
          -Well thats all of me for today ill go back to reading gruvia stories and stuff. Bye~

Shot- I was about to make a post abou try phone wattpad account and how it kicked me out but im fine rn but ya and I didn't go to the summer school thing ya but now I have to wait to go to MEXICO YAY

Ok so just found out it won't be hell :D but o also found I get to go to MEXICO YAY I GET TO SEE MY GRANDPARENTS AND DO THINGS THERE- well not really because of coivd but ya mini update

So I just found out I gphave to go to some summer school stuff which I'm overwhelmed by because I haven't been have such a great month so now I have to go to summer school and my parents are blaming me because I had abunch of F's but that was because this year was stressful and I started a new school and its different and I can't handle will right now im crying because I thought my parents would understand me but they don't isn't that just great but yay summer school please some one end me now before I do :D

How are you?:3

Okay I just realized I've been on wattpad for 25 hours this whole week-

I just had a mental breakdown and I realized that im not okay like no joke I realized I need to find someone who can help me out with myself I need someone to ask me "Are you okay?" cuz I have so many problems and I do nothing about it but now I need that help but I can't, not with my type of parents they believe you need to pray stuff away but I tried but it didn't work and asking them, I wish they understood me but we really don't talk about these type of things in my house its like taboo- if that how you spell it but its a pain its like I have chains and my legs and arms and there heavy as hell and im trying to go up the stairs but I can't because im weak im tried but I still try, sometimes I imagine myself in the ocean trying to swim up to the land or light but I can't and im losing all hope so I let myself go slowing going down and down in the darkness, I've never wanted to end it though maybe because I thought it would be selfish to do it and I would give people my pain but I've had thoughts were I did do it and everyone is happy no one was sad they didn't even care about me but I told myself to shut up and be "happy" sense your to young to feel anything until I hear kids around my age or younger ending it, it was horrible I saw how the parent were sad about that  so I thought of everyone who "loves" me and like last time I acted "happy" but I have more thing but maybe its to much to type also cuz I have school tomorrow and it 11:57 pm but thats all I have to say bye.
          
          
          (Sorry if that was deep its just how I feel but have a good morning-day-night :>)