Marsya Melody

my life is pathetic enough for you treated me like sheyt

i don't think i want to believe in love anymore.

i really hate 'all of the small things that you do' 
          bcs now i realize how small it is.
          where EVERYONE SHOULD DO TO THEIR PARTNER.
          and how bare minimum you when most of it i had to beg.

welcome to the dumbest thing i regret while im in relationships with him: hkl.
          
          1. flowers are just a flower.
          
          he said he's sorry cuz he couldn't attend your important day (graduation day) bcs one of his staff hv family funeral and couldn't go to work.
          
          maybe he just making things up.
          
          or maybe he was thankful that my don't need to meet my parents.
          
          flower for apologies?
          
          or he thinks he could buy me with anything.
          
          sure.

coward. you're such a coward.
          
          suddenly you use "im financially unstable, didn't make my parents proud yet, don't hv anything. how am i able to love you" to push me away.
          
          if you can't bear me anymore,
          if you think i am not the one you want to invest for your future anymore,
          just say so.
          
          i just don't understand.
          why.
          why would you hv to do this to me.
          
          you neglected me.
          and use a lame excuses to make yourself looks better or feels better.
          
          you're a jerk.
          the moment i let you touch me,
          why didn't you stop?
          why didn't you think of all the consequences?
          why?
          
          why must i be the one who suffer?
          after all i gave to you.
          effort, love & times.
          
          what else b.
          now,
          you just can't stand me.
          
          i thought love is something you teach me.
          but i was wrong.
          
          i am always wrong.
          and my choices always turn to regrets.

why did the pathetic one live the most pathetic life?

what a disappointment
          
          shouldn't hv ask for anything.

i can't help but to eat my feelings away,
          
          the night was pretty lonely for me to share with anyone,
          i told my comfort friend about you mom.
          for this 21st year living as 22nd on this December,
          i realized that all the things you did was for me to escape this place to a better place.
          
          but i chose rebel thinking you just trying to make your dreams come true,
          and yes, I wasn't wrong.
          
          indeed.
          
          but the way you told me today about him,
          now,
          since forever,
          i understand you.