As you wish.
The story has an amazing start, plus it’s a fresh plot. It’s new. The plot line is stable and gripping, the descriptions detailed and aligned. I read the first few chapters at 3 in the morning because I couldn’t sleep and then I couldn’t sleep at all because I kept on wondering what would happen next. I will read more today.
As for the things that can be improved and I love this story already, believe me.
Names. Characters can invoke even more emotional connection with the reader if they can be identified. Not all characters need names of course, but yes, the key ones certainly do. Since you’re writing in third person, you can always introduce the character without actual introduction. (For example, the golden boy. He’s the protagonist alongside Thana, I’m assuming and he needs a name when you’re writing from his pov. The creature on his shoulder. I loved that concept but I’d like you to define him more so it’s easily imaginable, but then again, I’m sure you’re keeping that for future chapters for suspense and I’m yet to read more)
Limit info dump in the first few chapters except what is necessary to set the plot rolling.
Shorter paragraphs attract a lot many readers than bigger ones. Dialogues can be introduced, it makes reading more interesting.
I’m grateful that you reached out on my page so I was introduced to such an amazing story. Keep writing and I’ll be waiting for the 11th chapter update keenly.
Love
Shirina
