jay the gay

[Rich] 
          	Freshman year
          	Didn't have a girlfriend or a clue
          	I was a loser just like you
          	Good times would only
          	Soar by
          	
          	I was gross
          	As every female would attest
          	My sexting was a futile quest
          	My little penis was depressed
          	He was so lonely
          	Poor guy
          	
          	I was hopeless, hopeless
          	I was helpless, helpless
          	Every time I walked the hallway I would trip
          	I was stagnant and idle
          	I was so suicidal and then, then, then
          	Then, then, then, then, then
          	Then, then, then, then,
          	Then I got a Squip
          	
          	[Jeremy]
          	You got quick?
          	
          	[Rich]
          	Not quick. Squip.
          	
          	[Jeremy]
          	I've just never heard of it before.
          	
          	[Rich]
          	That's the point. This is some top-secret-can't-even-look-it-up-on-the-internet shit.
          	
          	[Rich]
          	It's from Japan
          	It's a grey, oblong pill
          	Quantum nanotechnology CPU
          	The quantum computer in the pill
          	Will travel through your blood until
          	It implants in your brain and tells you what to do
          	
          	[Jeremy]
          	So... It's like drugs?
          	
          	[Rich]
          	It's better than drugs, Jeremy.
          	
          	It's from Japan
          	It's a grey, oblong pill
          	Quantum nanotechnology CPU
          	The quantum computer in the pill
          	Will travel through your blood until
          	It implants in your brain and tells you what to do
          	It tells you what to do
          	
          	It's pre-programmed
          	It's amazing
          	Speaks to you directly
          	
          	You behave as
          	It's appraising
          	Helps you act correctly
          	
          	Helps you to be cool
          	Helps you rule
          	
          	Picture this
          	Nobody cares if you are late
          	'Cause even teachers think you're great
          	Your weekend's just a full-on slate
          	Of blowout benders
          	Of teenage rockstar splendors
          	
          	Right now you're helpless, helpless
          	You are almost hopeless
          	On the school social map you're just a blip
          	But if you take my advice and if you
          	Pay the listed price, well then you
          	Go from sad, to interesting, to hip
          	Yeah, your whole life will flip
          	When you buy a squip
          	
          	Hey, yeah, a squip
          	Yeah, yeah, a squip
          	A-ah a squip
          	
          	No longer a drip when you've got in your grip
          	A squip
          	A squip
          	A squip