@mijika23
How many years has it been how many more years of this it's over the period of growing is over yet why am I still here sitting in the dark sleeping during daylight how many night skies am I gonna watch how much more time do I have to wander into the depths of my mind I wanna leave yet not really do I have to leave
Lacy oh lacy never thought I would relate so much to a mere song you were my lacy you have everything I could ever want you hold the candle to my bitter feelings you glow so effortlessly unlike the flickering light I try to be the flickering light that's dying out what do you have that I don't oh right everything you make the impossible seem possible I was drawn to your light probably like everyone else like a moth to a flame your the star and I'm just the person looking at you from afar your the best friend I'm just a friend your the first choice I'm the last resort and lastly I wish I didn't care about you as much as I did
What do you mean I can't stay in this teenage dream what do you mean by I have to grow up and devoid myself of distractions what do you mean that we never see the world the same way we did as a kid even if we tried what do you mean the colours fade before our very sight what do you mean what was once gold to us just equals to hours of our lives now what do you mean we are capable of forgetting even what was once most important to us what do you mean we can't leave this world only when we're ready
One request and it sends me into a spiral makes me question my every move every purchase I ever made do they truly make me happy or is it just my brain telling me that do we only exist to earn never to live some say it isn't everything while others disagree yet what's the undeniable truth is it affects everything and everyone it's something you never stop needing till your very last breath and yet when you die it's the last thing on your mind
Four months since you died , before falling for fictional drawings I fell for you or perhaps just the old you because that's how I got to know you even if through shallow surface level interviews clips videos photos socials or one of the very first few things I heard your voice in songs it took me the longest time to identify who is which in every song I thought how endearing and why I wasn't born earlier to actually see you guys in concert though years passed I enjoyed the content I freaked out when you were even doing a live at the same time I'm awake so I could actually watch you move in real time I thought your music was good fine but I won't lie it didn't hook me the way the music with everyone else did but it didn't matter because I got to see your random post lives videos I loved those I often wonder what if none of this had happened what if you five boys just remained in a small town meeting each other by fate instead of becoming a boy group would you alive happier or not though Im not even sure the kind of man you were anymore the few weeks before your death I never hated you I couldn't and I just hope your okay now wherever you may be lu lp
One text and it all breaks the fantasies of daydreaming about any other world that isn't yours one text and it breaks the hollow glass standing between you and the reality you rather not face and or deal with
One text and suddenly your seemingly valid reasons for doing years of absolutely nothing seemed like excuses
One text and suddenly you wonder about every aspect of this friendship were we ever friends could we even be called friends I could easily name ten things about her but could she name ten things about me I never stopped wishing her an happy birthday even when she stopped....
I.ll like to think we were friends , good friends at that but now that I think about it if I didn't hold on as long as I did then she would have slipped away a long time ago if I didn't reach out to her time and time again then she would have forgotten me a long time ago if I didn't make an effort for every conversations we had during hangouts then we might as well not have hung out ...
Here it is again I suppose I'm still so young yet I'm already being pressured to have it all planned out have it all thought out they're not wrong I won't deny in certain aspects of it but I thought at least she could be someone I could just talk to without mentioning something everyone's already talking my ears off about or perhaps that's just naivety or childhood ignorance but I supposed it's died today the ignorance of it all and I hate it here
Though it's not like she was ever just my friend but a friend to all instead I was just one of the many but she was only left at least and irl one the only one I had but it's not like she knows that neither does she owe me anything call me childish and an overthinker and sensitive person but why must I change just for someone to genuinely just be my friend and for once and it not too feel completely one sided
Omg wtf did Wattpad does this app delete drafts all my god damn drafts shit tf huhhh
No words honestly well I already did technically @/missingonedirectionhours on Instagram
I've had crushes I've had likes I've had loves but never have I had such intense infactuation and feelings for a damn drawing of all things so much so when I relised that the character I simp for might just be in love with another character in their universe I actually had a full on panic attack but not the kind you'll think the delulu kind the imaginary situations pacing around kind the music listening to help create even more scenarios the actual anxiety kind the actual single tear kind I honestly can't even believe myself how far down I have gone I wished I never ever let myself having tried figure out why people simp for fictional drawings in the first place and watched all those edits and videos all those damn years ago I really wish I could turn back time and tell myself no absolutely not you'll regret this but oh well I guess that's that and I'm currently in my finally acceptance state hopefully it just stays exactly like this (realization at 4:48am)
Loml matches eremika so well
