milkandcookies30

@Elegant_Pinecone your welcome thankyou

potatojohn00

I love you
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Forgotten_Lullaby

okay i think the plot is good but because u want me to be as honest as possible. these are the steps u shud take to improve it!
          1-make it mysterious, no one is gonna read a story the already know what is gonna happen inside it by reading the blurb. because they already know and doing that is just gonna waste thier time
          2-use advanced and sophisticated words (this could help give an intresting and dark side to the story)
          3-be creative and imaginative. add ur own twist to the  story that make it unique. afterall it isnt a fanfic. it is soley urs. i think u shud go there and just give some twist or thing that no body would expect.
          any way thanks for fanning me!
          send me another piec if u want me to edit. feel free!
          hope u dont think am too cruel. lol! am not normally like this but ur story is the first i edit and i really want it to success!

Forgotten_Lullaby

@milkandcookies30 hey there. i read the story.
          these are the first steps you should do!
          make the plot(blurb) bigger, people always want to know what they reading.
          keep the plot mysterious add words that would interest the reader. 
          include the highlights of the book. for example, in the book am currently writing, i used this line "The history of Dawn academy becomes a dark past, lux struggles to ignore". i my book there is a lot gonna be written abou the history of the school. using that line would prepare the reader for what is gonna happen later and also if it is good enough people would be hooked.
          the one thing you should always inlude is mystery. because it makes the reader think about the book hence they would be engage. and that is the most important thing
          
          
          if u  agree with my suggestions please pm so i would help u father.
          feel free to check my story. i agree its not perfect.
           
          http://www.wattpad.com/story/3512795-dawn-academy
          
          thanx for reading ashxxx