Hey there, first of all thank you so much for your kind words about my story — that really means a lot to me! I also had a look at Payback Gone Wrong, and I think it’s a really interesting idea with a lot of potential.
If I may give you a small tip: sometimes your sentences could flow a little more smoothly. For example, words like and are used quite often, which can make the rhythm feel a bit repetitive. Also, your style feels a bit like you’re directly telling the story to someone — which gives it a nice personal touch, but you might want to try making it a bit more polished in places to bring out the emotions and tension even stronger.
But overall, I truly enjoyed reading it and I’m excited to see where you’ll take the story. Keep it up, you’re doing wonderfully!
