Initially i wanted to do this announcement on my birthday, but the thoughts are here in my mind right now so i will just write it.
(If you know me personally, and wish to not know the things i wont usually tell to not bother you just dont read it)
tw: illness, disability, covid
Its been a year. I have barely touched this place, but it still holds a special place in my heart.
Its the place where I met good friends.
The place that has stayed while my life broke down.
I feel like last year was a week away.
Not because I did much this year.
Because i feel like i was barely able to do anything.
I can count the amount of times i went outside for longer than an hour on 2 hands.
I have to use a wheelchair to get out far.
I cant properly think, walk, look or listen.
It feels like everything kinda broke down.
Mentally, im in a better place than last year i think.
But physically, its much worse.
Its difficult, this type of grief.
A lot of people dont understand, how i can seem completely normal to them.
They dont realize the moment they are gone, i lay in my bed completely exhousted.
In pain.
That it sometimes takes me weeks, or months to recover.
That sometimes I dont recover from *them* at all.
I want to have fun, be there for the people i care about.
I want to write.
I want to read.
I want to game.
I want to play.
I want to climb.
I want to skate.
I want to life.
I really just want to life my live.
This illness has made me realize just living your life isnt always possible.
Its something people dont often realize.
The gift of getting to life your live.
I have lost this gift.
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