neon graveyard

go follow my insta @nina_wndrlust

temptation lusts my mind...my heart...it breaks my spirit ...loses myself...alters my brain and my feelings...numbs my consciousness...invites my demons to hang out...controls my behavior...teaches me to sell my soul ...introduces me to my ruin ...it sends me to hell and i can't ever return to the sweet  forgiveness once sacrifice  held me dear
          
          i don't want to ruin myself like that
          i want freedom
          i want to go to heaven
          he's alive 
          he's speaking to me
          but i am still sleeping

i won't create friends to believe .... if they aren't real ...i be placing what they feel...it be cheating

i am at risk of being the prey before even acknowledging that i am the victim

in this game of "believe-before-proof" , makes my chances of getting cat fished very vulnerable

in this game of "believe-before-proof" could make catfish easier on me

sometimes i ask myself should i be proud of myself?
          sometimes i ask someone older than me should i be proud of myself?
          would you be proud of yourself?
          and they stare in deep through in their old 26 year old body
          "i don't know but that was deep"
          should i be proud of being obsessed so much until i lost myself

loving them makes me feel proud of myself

i love to love them

i don't exist . . .
            i meant . . . only TOP exist
          i know is selfish
          but i kinda like it that way
          in fact i don't think i ever find myself ahead of them