Torrance79
Hey do you think you can check out my profile and read my novels I just got back in and I need some opinions and advice I what I’m doing one of my followers said the like it but I need more so I can do better I did three new ones the owl house, Rwby, and senran kagura please check them out!
momasucker
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@Torrance79 Okay so, I'll start with A few personal gripes I have and then I'll continue with general advice. I'll be specifically talking about the TOH book. Firstly, I'm not a huge fan of system based stories, especially those with system based progression. They're busted and it's hard to have physical or emotional growth when everything is laid out in such a manner, it's not impossible but I struggle to get into them. Secondly, Luz and Eda just click somewhat, in my second TOH rework, I try to keep my characters somewhat distanced at first. Something I failed to do in my first one. Not that big of a deal, just personal gripes once again. The story also happens to start midway through the story? It fails to properly give me a place to stand, especially when it doesn't follow the main story. Now the actual tips, firstly you're writing is a delight. I enjoy it way more then the horrific style many use. EX: (Y/N): whatever the fuck Mary Sue 09: Eat my ass. I can actually use my inner eye reading your work which is something that I struggle with all the time. Simply just following the story and giving your OC a proper role will help. If the characters collide then so be it. Also, it's not a "Male Reader" Darius is an OC an established character, don't be ashamed of that Labeling is important twin.
