I want to start off by saying that I am normally not the type of person to talk about my feelings, usually because I don’t feel the need to, like it never gets to be too much, but recently, it has. I’m not quite sure what’s going on and why I’ve been feeling like this, but I feel so depressed and unmotivated. There has been a slew of things going on that have put obstacles in the road for me. Things that used to bring me so much joy and peace, such a reading, writing, spending time with family and friends, now take so much energy out of me and often times feel like a chore. I find myself calling it ‘seasonal depression’, but I feel as though it’s been going on for quite some time now. I don’t want to bring it up to my doctor because you know how they are. “Here, this is some random drug that may or may not make you want to kill yourself even more but won’t know until you try it.” I really do try and work through things on my own, but I find it extremely difficult when my full time job is taking care of my disabled mother, which makes it hard for me to take care of myself. I just feel so exhausted all the time, no matter how much sleep I get or how much relaxing I do, I just feel so drained. If only I could find some kind of joy in things again, but I simply can’t. I don’t know, maybe this is just a phase, something I’ll get over sooner or later, but boy am I hoping for sooner because I miss you guys so much!! I miss writing shitty chapters and reading your guys’ comments. I miss it so much, you truly have no idea how much I do. I just ask that you all bear with me as I get myself out of this dark place. You are always so patient and caring that I have no doubt at all that you guys will waiting for me! ❤️
