Hi, this is going to be a long narration. I'm the eldest but I'm treated differently as if I don't really exist in their realm of living. I've been living in a lie. I thought I was a daughter or "unnie/noona". Just recently before my mother died my full siblings dropped a bomb on me. I wasn't their full sibling instead I was just a product of a rape of my father who happens to be my mom's first cousin. Imagine my total shock. So that's the answers to my previous questions in my head. The father I knew had a first family with 5 children. Growing up, I felt I'm not even worthy of asking anything from them. I would always be the last to have anything, be it food, privileges, gadgets and what not. They don't really respect me, I was just a mental case, autistic even. So most of the angsty books I read are a reminder of myself in that family I already escaped from. Sorry I can't continue now. It's overwhelming me now. I'll tell you next time the other parts of my life.