I checked out your story like you asked, and I think it's very creative for a first timer. I would like to offer some advice as a fellow writer.
NUMBER 1, correct use of paragraphs and quotation. Every quote should start on a new paragraph when typing unless it is the continued speech of a person at the moment. For example
Lila walked into the house.
"MOM! I'M HOME!", she shouted into the house.
Her mom came scrambling out of the kitchen.
"Welcome back Lila,", she wiped the flour off of her face, "we missed you.", she finished, giving Lila a bear hug.
NOTICE the use of punctuation marks.
NUMBER 2, those "pop" sounds you were referring to in chapter 2, if they were fun shots l, then a "boom" would be better. Guns don't go pop, they're loud and scary.
NUMBER 3, full stop before your "thoughts". For example
Laura walked out onto the front porch and looked around. LATE AGAIN she thought shaking her head. (Sorry, can't use bold or slant in comment section).
God Bless, keep writing :-)
