Dear MishaaAmin,
I read your story as requested, and I'll be honest, it needs a lot of work. I'm honored that you asked me to review it and enjoy my work so much, but I will be honest in my responses to my readers. The story needs a lot of work, and it seems that you based it off of every other Scorose story on the planet. Add some flare, some texture to your story and for your sake and your reader's sake, spell out words. We have been blessed with a language as beautiful and fundamental as ours, the word 'you' is not spelled 'u' in the great literary works, and h8 is not a proper word by any means. If you want to become an author at any point in life, you need to realize that by chopping the extraordinary language that is English down into segments you seem childish and juvenile.
I'm happy that you have a passion for the Harry Potter series, just as I do, but you need to get the character's names right. It's Scorpius, not Scorpio, unless you introduce that as a nickname, and any person's name needs to be capitalized. Now, trust me when I say this, everyone makes grammar mistakes, it happens, it's a fact of life, it's part of being a writer in general. But, the best writers learn from their mistakes, they start to evolve and edit as the read and reread. My writing is far from perfect, but I know that I have to grasp the fundamentals to keep my readers entertained. Chapters should be longer than three paragraphs, an issue that I continuously struggle with, but if your story is interesting enough to keep a reader hooked, they'll come back for more. I hope these words helped you and feel free to contact me again at your convenience. I apologize that it took so long for me to respond, but as they say, life is a crazy, beautiful mess. Thanks for messaging me and I hope that I was able to assist you! Kisses!:)
- Rebecca Dare
