I'm probably shape shifting unicorn with rainbow hair and golden horn who loves to drink and wallow on her own self pity.
I also may be a  dragon with red lips and pink nails who's just hating on the world as usual.
I am probably an alien who's living in an underground lair sucking geothermal energy from the planet as well as plotting its ultimate destruction. 
Or I could be a squid but only on special occasions. 

(Honestly, I'm just a college student hoping to graduate without a pending arrest for murder)