@Deku-kun200 I don't know if I could help cause my story is sucked but anyway. So first thing first, you show split the paragraph every time you entered a new topic or talking about something else. You should try to familiarize yourself with First person pov, Second person pov, third-person pov, third-person omniscient pov, and lastly third person limited (If you want to know more search it on google, I promise it will help but if you don't understand just ask me) other than that, you should give more detail on the scene you think you should put so the reader could imagine it but still keep it minimum.
When you used something to describe the creator or the same word over and over again, try to change the word. Like Before= Just now, earlier...
A cold voice= Dead voice/ flat voice
Again if you didn't have much knowledge of synonyms word you know... just search on google to help!
I hope this helps you and good luck with your story!
(Oh if you have a problem just pm me and I would answer as fast as possible)