⛓️Bree⛓️

okay, hello, i'm back
          
          so i had a huge spiralling mental breakdown, my fifth health scare with my heart, and have been just generally unwell in body and mind since my last post. but the good news is that the doctors finally put me on some medication for my heart and i feel so much better! i can actually get up and do things during the day instead of having to stay in bed or on the couch! 
          
          it has genuinely been life changing and it has lifted such a weight off of me. i still have mental health struggles because of the numerous illnesses lol but now i don't have the physical stuff weighing me down even more! 
          
          and i've decided i want to try to write again, like actually try, but i'm going to try and be a whole lot kinder to myself. my writing isn't going to be the same, how could it be when i'm not the same, but that's okay. i think my biggest problem was i had shackled myself with these astronomical expectations to make it like it was instead of focusing on how to make it now. i'm going to try to temper them and be gentle, because it's okay when things change, even though it can be hard. i'm going to make mistakes, my writing might be rougher than it used to be for a while, but that just means i've got to figure out what my writing style looks like now! 
          
          and i want to thank you all so much for all your support over the years. this community has meant the world to me, you guys are in my thoughts almost every day and i wouldn't be where i am today without you. so thank you and i hope that you'll all join me on this new journey of discovering what my writing style is now! 
          
          sending much love to you all and i hope to see you in the comments!^-^❤️
          
          P.S. apologies if this seems condensed or clipped, i had a longer message written out, but it exceeded the character limit so i had to shorten it :') 

Hey, if just finished reading the Control Edward nygma book. And I know that was 5 yrs ago, but you are amazing at writing , I love writing too. And u inspired me to keep going. PLZ PLZ PLZ PLZ, I you can, and I know you really can, plz start writing again. You have a talent so plz dont let it go. I really wanted to tell u this because you actually are good at writing and I can tell u love writing. So I needed to let u know that your efforts are appreciated by many around the world. Plz dont give up on something that you are extremely good at and that you love so much, bc trust me you'll miss it, and regret stopping. 
          

i love you guyss

sometimes i wonder if i'll ever be able to write again. and even if i do, i know it's never going to be the same. i'm never going to get the community that i had back, with so many lovely people that i would talk with so often. 
          
          i miss interacting with my community so much. i miss participating in fandom spaces. everything is so different now, people are so quiet and don't interact like they used to. 
          
          i think the hardest part is that i've changed so much. i started this account when i was a teenager and i've been here almost 10 years now. if i ever do manage to write again, i feel like it will always look wrong because my writing style will have changed just as much as me. i've grown up and matured and life has beaten me down and i've grown very ill over the years.
          
          i look in the mirror and it's like a stranger looking back at me. i'm afraid that my writing will reflect that, should i ever manage to publish anything again. and i'm afraid that i'm like a stranger to you all, too. that my writing will be like a stranger, and that it won't be anything like what we remember. 
          
          it won't be as good as what we remember. 
          
          i'm sorry that i've changed. i'm sorry that this account has all but died. i'm desperately holding onto it, with the almost hysterical hope that one day, it will be like it was back then. 
          
          but i know it won't be. and i'm sorry for that. i'm so sorry. 

i've got some of the worst comfort movies and comfort characters on the planet lmao

new silent hill aesthetic for halloween season ^-^

my mental and physical health continue to worsen with no clear answers in sight, yet here i am, lurking here everyday in the hopes i'll suddenly regain the ability to write like i could 5+ years ago
          
          i know my issues run much deeper than just simple writer's block, but if any of y'all have tips for how to overcome writer's block, i'd very much like to hear them!❤️

final health update: not appendicitis, but idk what it is. i'll have to get my ultrasound results from my doctor at my next appointment, but i know at least it's not life threatening.
          
          sorry it took a while for this update, life has not been treating me well. 
          
          hope you guys are all well and much love to you as always!❤️

just wanted to let you guys know, i wound up in the hospital today with suspected appendicitis and i'm getting an emergency ultrasound tomorrow to confirm whether that's what it is or not
          
          if it is, i'll be going into surgery 
          
          i don't often talk about my personal life on here because i'm paranoid about giving away too much information (because of past experiences), but you guys mean a lot to me and i thought you deserved to know, just so you know what's up if i'm away for a while 
          
          i'll keep you guys updated as i go 
          
          sending much love to you all as always❤️

i miss writing :')