@nightmares_in_action
its been awhile, i forgot how hard i lore dumped in this acc
life update: been reading lots and lots and lots, imean ALOT of fanfictions mainly wolfstar but i also read starchaser and drarry ofcoures. ive been reading and reading because i couldn't keep on writing anymore, maybe ill write again when i get a laptop. love yall
my brain with anxiety and depression is a funny system.
my talent is pretending and lying and putting on an act, so i wouldn't make a fuss.
but every now and then i get these attacks and i suddenly need to pee so very bad so i can throw up in the public comfort room, im not on meds, my parents stopped supporting my mental health needs a few months after the therapy thing, so- its like im high but its very very raw and very very real im so cool on the outside, so happy and hyper but deep inside im helpess, im alone and in this dark cave and im just too good at acting okay, that the moment im alone i completely break.
Im not that cool confident kid with weird quirks and fucked up humor, im that anxious almost crying and throwing up and running away and slipping into the comfort rooms while in the mall with friends just to have a quick panic attack.
the kid who has to hide for 20 seconds to take deep breaths and desperately beg themselves to not cry.
i used to obsesss over disorders as a kid, at 11 i would diagnose myself and shit like that.
i never thought big of it, untill it happened to me, that night before the alcohol hit, that night before my first session, that night i slept for 9 hours for the first time in months.
its not fun, its not ideal cause its real and its fucked up. its so messed up and im so hurt and so lost bc im so alone and i dont think i can be understand and be heard
I love OJS, its the starting point of my writing journey other than that drarry fanfic.
English isn't my first language so my grammar will suck, plus i barely care sbout marks and stuff but i nowknow its very important.
im serious, i really want to write.
yall, this is worse than heartbreak.
i dont think ill be able to continue OUR JINXED SOULS, no matter how hard i try to keep adjusting it to my satisfaction, i just can't.
and i dont want to make writing feel like a job, cause thay would take away my passion.
Im never going to reuse the characters, i feel likei might be able to whip some short books out of the randomness of my heart.
I love Asher and Jacxon with all my heart.
and god forbid, i was actually planning on a sequel, with Noah and Luc? but oh well.
maybe i can have Noah and Luc's story go well.
I love everyone who supported me on this bit of journey, This is me finally signing of as OUR JINXED SOULS writer/author.
-Alex
sheesh almost a year on hiatus. so sorry guys depression got me good
i need this off my chest and posting on fb or sharing it to my friends isnt ideal.
I THINJ ITS UNFAIR HOW CONVENIENT MASTURBATING IS FOR BOYS. THEY PULL THEIR PANTS DOWN THEN JERK
AND THEN GIRLD HAVE ALL THIS SHIT AND STUFF LILE WHAT WITH THIS NATURAL BIOLOGICAL SEXISM
happy fucking pride month homophobic bitches who swear they not gay
Its a first where i dont get any wattpad notifs in 12 hours is it broken are ya broken
Hi yall, unfortunately i still am fully alive and breathing sooooooo no zuixide note yeett imwan ueeet anywayssss im still coping up with lifee.e and i havent updated for like 78 years bc i have been very busy keeping myself distracted from kilong myself.
Also. READ AUTOBOYOGRAPHY ANDDDDD WHAT IF ITS US AND HERES TO US BC OMYGOD U JAVE TO.
Anyways yeeaaah soo i wont be uploading any updates for a while bc im kinda back into the zone, like the zone where everyday 8 just yk
Istgi keep delaying the update,
Im supper busy rn bc i have work and chores and study and fucked up me tal health,bur ive already wrote like 1k words shit so i think ima post it soon, pls this chapter is so cuye