"Some people need a high five.. in the face.. with a chair."

"It's a beautiful day, now watch some idiot screw it up."

Parents spend the first part of our lives teaching us to walk and talk, and then the rest of it telling us to sit down and shut up.

Dear Yahoo, I've never heard anyone say, "I don't know, let's Yahoo! it..." just saying Sincerely, Google

Dear 6, Please stop spreading rumors about me eating 9. You shouldn't be talking. I hear you guys do some pretty nasty things. Sincerely, 7

"I dont suffer from insanity..I enjoy every minute of it."

You cry, I cry, you laugh, I laugh, you fall off a cliff ... I laugh even harder

"Diamonds are like girls best friend...because they're shaper then knives."

"I didn't loose my mind, I sold it on eBay."

I got you a present. It's a CD.I hope you don't have it already coz I don't have the receipt. i didn't exactly buy it.

I took the road less traveled. NOW WHERE THE HECK AM I?

"I'm not afraid of Death. What's he gonna do,kill me?"

Most people would be offended if someone asked them what was wrong with their mind. copy this into your profile if you would be one of the few people that would answer, "where to begin?"

Being weird is like being normal, only better.

A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.

While waiting at a bus stop, if someone asks you, "Has the bus come yet?" reply, "If the bus had come, I wouldn't be standing here now would I?"

Never argue with an idiot. They'll just drag you down to their level and beat you with experience.
Never argue with a pissed off me, I'll drag you down to the floor and beat you with a baseball bat

Having the love of your life say "We can still be friends" is like having your dog die and your mom saying you can still keep it.

You say I'm not cool. But cool is another word for cold. If I'm not cold, I'm hot. I know I'm hot. Thanks for embracing it.