i believe i made progress with my panic disorder. i never forget to take my pills and somehow i haven't gotten sick this cold season, except for occasional tummy aches that go away with otc medication. i gained some healthy weight, i sleep more than 8 hours per night, and my life has been so much better ever since i got in college.
being in this state now, i can look back at myself from 4, 5, 6 years ago and all i see is an extremely depressed teenager that's just trying to fit in and can't. and i see someone who already accepted that they will be rejected by everyone and that they shouldn't have any expectations, and someone who believes that they will be alone for the entirety of their life because no matter how strong a relationship connection can get, absolutely nothing in this world will defeat their thoughts and just watch as their negative habits destroy their life.
it's very strange. changing from a negative mindset to a positive one. it almost feels unreal, when all your life you've felt that way, and now, even though this change is good, it feels like an out of body experience.