a little bit of ranting here. sorry for the notif cause if i didnt, this'll lose its purpose or smth like that.
the worst thing you could make your child realise is how "replaceable" they are and will be in the future. lately, my mother had cleared in my head that my career path is most definitely replaceable and replicable by the artificial intelligence, stripping me off of what I see as my only purpose in this suffering we call life. while I remind to myself that it is just impossible, seeing as any works of AI in all art forms are collectively soulless, every single interaction with her so far felt like a proof that she might even choose something so artificially made over the hardwork of her own daughter. Distraught is the perfect word for what I feel about it. I am butthurt to the core. Yes, I sound sensitive, but I will never discredit all the sacrifices and efforts I made and is making to self-teach myself how to reach this dream of mine. In fact, I have never received any support system to either of whom was supposed to be the very people urging me to reach and finish my career path. The people around me only made me feel like I've always been fighting on something meaningless; something that shouldn't worth protesting for.
this demotivates me into writing overall. i know to myself that i write good, that i shouldn't listen to external noises, but at some point, you couldn't just help but crumble. as i am writing this rant, i am crumbling. i am pissed off. i wanna commit arson (for legal reasons this is a joke).
and with that, i decided to pause indefinitely into writing actively here and on quotev (let's pretend i'm active on that site). not total hiatus. just working underground. MIGHT revive ao3 tho idk. been curious about that site, but i totally don't use my account there. toodles.
remember to fight what is true and authentic. always. x
