KTZA

i should really follow my own advice that i give to others while i comfort them, but its like I don't know how. i feel its more from what ive been told and seen rather than experience. and when it is, it feels foreign to me, and despite how many times i preach to others such advice i never follow my own. it just feels different.

isnt it crazy how the body has so many ways to die

i feel pathetic but i just want someone to love me. to hold me. to stay with me and tell me im their sweetheart and that we'll be together forever. i wish it was someone but i dont have anyone. so i sit here and fantasize about it. for hours.

time to use c.ai to abuse my characters and make them suffer because i cant vent to anyone and i dont know how to explain myself antmoe

im js so close to giving up its like im always alone. i dont know myself anymore and its hard to deviate if im actually feeling how i say.  i feel sick again. i feel like crying again whats the point in trying anymore

i wish i could say something to you but i know how the conversation will always end. i know you. i know you lie.

⸜(｡˃ ᵕ ˂ )⸝♡

i dont know about you guys but i dont think its normal for a kid like me to be up at this time crying because i simply have to exist and live and just do basic everday things especially such as school because i just feel that sick even looking or being near the school, because i feel sick being near these people or even touching them. i feel sick even being there. its just so crazy how much i cried in the morning yesterday and i wasnt even near school yet, i just knew that we were about to have to leave the house. is that not crazy???

is it bad to want something worse to happen to you will youre already in a bad state so maybe people will care and youll get the comfort you want and people will understand why youre so upset even if it isnt the root of the problem

vent.
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          suddenly, im starting to figure out things about myself i didn't realize i did. or had done. its painful because its not like it'll make anyone understand you better, but you know yourself better now, but not in a good way. you barely know how to comfort yourself other than by forcing yourself to forget and just pretend its normal and okay. because. what else CAN you do? talking to others didn't help. so youre on your own.