★Sayaka★<3

IMMA LOVE YOU EVERY NIGHT LIKE ITS THE LAST NIGHT, THE LAST NIGHT!!! IF THE WORLD WAS ENDING, I WANNA BE NEXT TO, YOUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU! IF THE PARTYS OVER AND OUR TIME ON THE WORLD WAD THROUGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! I WANNA HOLD YOU FOR A WHILE AND DIE WITH A SMILE TwT

Guys if I'm inactive or if you wonder where I went and why I haven't responded I prob died or I ran away♥︎
          I love you all, you guys are my little baby's<3
          I would do anything to protect you★

Planning on running away!!! :D

My stomach hurts so much I feel like I wanna throw up bc I'm so tired of everything.
          Life. People. School.
          Nothings fun anymore its js draining..
          I wanna vent to people but I can't now bc most of my friends are young minors and wouldn't understand and I don't want to put them through any stress..
          And dev I can't even vent to her even tho she's the same age as me and my friend from school
          Even tho she's my bestie I can't cuz they say "its alright to vent" but then if you vent to much they say "OMG CAN YOU STFU? IM TIRED OF HEARING U VENT DO YOU EVEN  KNOW HOW I FEEL?!" IM SRY BUT IM A PERSON TO? WTF DO YOU WANT FROM ME? IM SRY?! I TRY TO BE NICE BUT I HAVE ANGER. ISSUSES.
          I DONT WANT TO HAVE ANGER. ISSUSES. I WANT TO BE THE NICE CALM ONES IN THE GC BUT NO...THE ONLY PERSON I KNEW THAT I COULD VENT TO WITHOUT THEM GETTING MAD AT ME WAS K AND SHES GONE NOW WTF DO YOU WANT ME TO DO?! I VENT TO HER AND SHE VENTS TO ME?! WE USED TO LISTEN TO EACH OTHER VENT FOR HOURS..I DIDNT MIND AT ALL AND NEITHER DID SHE! SHE FELT SAFE AROUND ME...COMFORTABLE... IT WAS A SAFE PLACE..
          BUT NOW SHES GONE!!! I ACTUALLY WANT TO FUCKING DIE AND I HOPE I DONT WAKE UP SOMEDAY.
          I MISS K AND I JS WANT TO BE WITH HER AGAIN.
          EVEN IF SHE ISNT DEAD AND DIDN'T COMMIT IDC AT LEAST I CAN PROTECT HER FROM ANYONE IN HEAVEN.
          PLS JS LET ME FUCKING KMS!
          IDC IF ITS A SIN, IDC THAT JESUS GAVE ME LIFE AND IM WASTING IT. ITS. NOT. FAIR.
          GODS NEVER THERE FOR ME NO MATTER WHAT!
          HOW IS IT FAIR THAT ITS A SIN TO KYS CUZ YOU FEEL TIRED AND WANNA DIE?! WHAT IF I JS WANT TO?!
          IDC IF SOMEONE HERE SAYS "oh well life's not fair sry" IK THAT. I BET THAT PROB NOBODYS GONNA READ THIS CUZ WHY WOULD THEY WAIST THERE TIME READING THIS HOLE ASS USELESS FUCKING PARAGRAPH ABT ME VENTING? TELL ME WHO WOULD CUZ I FEEL LIKE NOBODY EVEN CARES AT THIS POINT.
          I WANT TO KMS BUT I HAVE STRICT PARENTS AND THEY WOULDN'T LET ME. IDC ABT ANYONE ANYMORE.
          I HATE EVERYONE. (except you my little angel<3,) I HATE EVERYTHING.

Sry if I don't read ur texts or reply to them, I live in America so rn its 5:41 am.
          So like ill usually be replying to them at like 2-6 am in the morning bc I like draining my mental health by listen to vent playlist all night, playing roblox, and being on call w/ dev ;D

Yay! I stopped cutting for about a month! Are you guys proud? :D 
          I started again and I have this friend that always cuts w/ me (k) she's my best friends but..she hasn't respond to me for a long time and I think she might of (yk) and she got in a fight with (h) so I'm pretty sure k might of "done it" and I'm scared to move on without her cuz idk what happened to her, its hard to tell when school is literally out and I'm waiting for next yr to see her! 
          Texted her that ill cut everyday until she answers me or at least SEES my texts! :3
          Day 1/ 8:04/July/9/2024 (she hasn't texted me since june/12/2024) Today: my nails, scissors, no blood js cuts :3