ᵈᵉᵖʳᵉˢˢᵒ ᵉˢᵖʳᵉˢˢᵒ

HELLO it's nearly 2026. i feel sick when i say that why's time moving so fast. quick speed round re cap of my amazing year. at the beginning of the year i was low-key probs in the deepest depths of my depression in years, and id blame it solely on exams. okay tw but i stayed self harming again too and because my brain was so fried with exams i didn't even think to do it in a discreet location....... did a level mocks kinda tanked them but also cant remember much rn. finished applying to unis at the end of last year so id already heard all my responses, over the moon that my top choice would take me in. turned 18 in April, had an amazing fat party got presents and was just surrounded by love the whole day. started formally applying to jobs and got a dingy little 0 hr in a sports club in May, turns out it was on the verge of shutting down, i was mainly a waiter and served the food/ cleaned it up again. would stand on my feet for hours since there were no employee facilities ( can you guess why it shut down ), made a good few friends who made the shifts way better. started that job as soon as my a level exams started. didn't sleep for a month straight because a levels hello?? developed OCD and would be convinced every night someone's tryna break in because the doors downstairs are unlocked or a fires gonna start because I didn't compulsively check the hob before I came upstairs so i wouldn't sleep months after ( still have this issue but im working on it). gained weight because i would never sleep never eat only drink energy drinks, it's not that in the night id be revising id just lay in bed stressing about how i haven't done enough. a couple nights when I had back to back exams, my mind only let me sleep after 3am but I'd have to have an alarm on for 5 so I could review my notes before the exam

i got into uni, i turned 18, I got my first ever job being a waiter at a sports club and would stand hours on my feet but enjoy every second, i did all my a levels, i passed all my a levels, i left college, i cut all my hair off, i started commuting to uni, i bought new clothes for uni and finally bought the boots ive been wanting for years, i reaches out to my childhood best friend after not talking since gcses and we finally ended things on good terms, i started uni not knowing one person but now 4 months in i have the best friends, i had placement for a couple weeks and realized this is the profession for me, i helped those students realize how amazing they are one tricky maths question at a time.i finally got a proper stable job after years of searching and im having the most fun especially in the festive season. i just submitted my first uni essay. and i did every single step without you. i thought id grow old with you. when i was pissed at the world or when i was ill you were always there. you said you'd never leave and i was a novice dumbass for thinking you'd hold your side of the promise. so, words by a poet far greater than me, 'you should know that i died slow, running through the halls of your haunted home, and the toughest part is that we both know what happened to you why haven't you called? merry christmas please don't call me. merry christmas im not yours at all'