guilt, rage, blame, disgust, back to guilt. it followed them, a constant cycle, one that seemingly got worse and more self destructive as time went on, they couldn 't stop, couldn 't stop thinking or instigating. but /nothing/ helped... /why/ .ᐣ
⠀⠀⠀⠀and the kingdom around them wasn 't much help with those constant reminders, the state of fullcrest was seemingly a wreck. they couldn 't change that, no matter how many fights they threw themselves into in those damn underground fighting pits, no matter how many tankards of gin they downed, no matter how many times their fist would connect with the wall. nothing would fix it, nothing would fix /them/.⠀⠀⠀( they wondered... how could beau look at them now .ᐣ disgusted .ᐣ with the same look in his eye he had when they 'd do something else stupid out of anger .ᐣ would he look at them at all .ᐣ what would he say about them .ᐣ to them .ᐣ what would he think of them now .ᐣ )
every word left an almost bitter taste in their mouth, more than they had before, that was. but it was hard to taste anything else when they viewed the world as they did⨾ nowadays it felt like the world was out to get them. had She not taken enough from them, was all this loss truly needed .ᐣ they didn 't think so... not when emera hadn 't had much to lose in the first place, then they lost what they /did/ have. how much more could they lose .ᐣ that was a question they didn 't even want to dwell on.
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀the rogue looked up to the other when her shadow came and covered them, and for a moment, they took the time to look at her, /really/ look at her. so much had changed, between them both, or individually, or in their life without having beau with them anymore. it was all such drastic changes... but was it for better or for worse .ᐣ emera didn 't really know themselves.
they looked away soon after, dark gaze drifting to the floor, it was hard to look anyone in the eyes for too long anymore. as if they were afraid of being read, of being seen.
[2/3.5]