#Forever

I leave the gas on
          Walk the allies in the dark
          Sleep with candles burning
          I leave the door unlocked
          I'm weaving a rope and
          Running all the red lights
          Did I get your attention
          'Cause I'm sending all the signs and
          The clock is ticking
          And I'll be giving my two weeks
          Pick your favorite shade of black
          You'd best prepare a speech
          Say something funny
          Say something sweet
          But don't say that you loved me
          'Cause I'm still breathing
          But we've been dead for awhile
          This sickness has no cure
          We're goin' down for sure
          Already lost a grip
          Best abandon ship
          Maybe I was too pale
          Maybe I was too fat
          Maybe you wanted better, better luck in the sack
          No formal education
          I swear way too much
          I swear you didn't care
          'Cause we were in love
          So as I write this letter and shed my last tear
          No, it's all for the better
          That we end this here
          Let's close this chapter
          Say one last prayer
          But don't say that you loved me
          'Cause I'm still breathing
          But we've been dead for awhile
          This sickness has no cure
          We're goin' down for sure
          Already lost a grip
          Best abandon ship
          'Cause I'm still breathing
          But we've been dead for awhile
          This sickness has no cure
          We're goin' down for sure
          Already lost a grip
          Best abandon ship
          I'm still breathing
          I'm still breathing
          -Katy Perry

I know you have a life without me but it hurts so fucking bad when your plans change so that time I would be spending with you is spent with other people... 

I feel like I apologize all the time for not writing on here, but I’m not sorry anymore. Other things have become more important in my life, especially since I realized I’m becoming an adult this year. Things like working out, my friendships and relationships, school, eating healthy, and work have become more important. Updates will continue to be inconsistent, that’s just the way it is now.
          
          -A busy Elena 
          
          
          
          
          
           
          
          

Of course I remember! It’s been so long

All wound up
          On the edge
          Terrified
          
          Sleep disturbed
          Restless mind
          Petrified
          
          Bouts of fear
          Permeate
          All I see
          
          Heightening
          Nervousness
          Threatens me
          
          I am paralyzed
          So afraid to die
          
          Caught off guard
          Warning signs
          Never show
          
          Tension strikes
          Choking me
          Worries grow
          
          Why do I feel so numb
          Is it something to do with where I come from
          Should this be fight or flight
          I don't know why I'm constantly so uptight
          
          Rapid heartbeat pounding through my chest
          Agitated body in distress
          I feel like I'm in danger
          Daily life is strangled by my stress
          
          A stifling surge
          Shooting through all my veins
          Extreme apprehension
          Suddenly I'm insane
          
          Lost all hope for redemption
          A grave situation desperate at best
          
          Why do I feel so numb
          Is it something to do with where I come from
          Should this be fight or flight
          I don't know why I'm constantly reeling
          
          Helpless hysteria
          A false sense of urgency
          Trapped in my phobia
          Possessed by anxiety
          
          Run
          Try to hide
          Overwhelmed by this complex delirium
          
          Helpless hysteria 
          A false sense of urgency 
          Trapped in my phobia 
          Possessed by anxiety 
          
          Run 
          Try to hide 
          Overwhelmed by this complex delirium
          -Dream Theater

Woooo don't imagine Poseidon kids who died in battle being buried at sea (unlike the rest of the campers) so Poseidon can lay their bodies to rest. Don't imagine the cemetery he has for all his children. Don't imagine part of the reason for him taking the oath was because he hated losing his kids. 
          -I'm messed up dudes

I can see you over there
          Starring at your drink
          Watchin’ that ice sink
          All alone tonight
          And chances are
          You’re sittin’ here in this bar
          ‘Cause he ain’t gonna treat you right
          Well, it’s probably not my place
          But I’m gonna say it anyway
          ‘Cause you look like
          You haven’t felt the fire
          Had a little fun
          Hadn’t had a smile in a little while
          Baby
          Blue looks good on the sky
          Looks good on that neon buzzin’ on the wall
          But darling, it don’t match your eyes
          I’m tellin’ you
          You don’t need that guy
          It’s so black and white
          He’s stealin’ your thunder
          Baby, blue ain’t your color
          I’m not tryna
          Be another just
          Pick you up
          Kinda guy
          Tryna drink you up
          Tryna take you home
          But I just don’t understand
          How another man
          Can take your sun
          And turn it ice cold
          Well, I’ve had enough to drink
          And it’s makin’
          Me think that I just might
          Tell you if I were a painter I wouldn’t change ya
          I’d just paint you bright
          Baby
          'Cause blue looks good on the sky
          Looks good on that neon buzzin’ on the wall
          But darling, it don’t match your eyes
          I’m tellin’ you
          You don’t need that guy
          It’s so black and white
          He’s stealin’ your thunder
          Baby, blue ain’t your color
          No no no
          Blue ain't your colour baby
          Blue looks good on the sky
          Looks good on that neon buzzin’ on the wall
          But darling, it don’t match your eyes
          I’m tellin’ you
          You don’t need that guy
          It’s so black and white
          He’s stealin’ your thunder
          Baby, blue ain’t your color
          
          -Kieth Urban 

HUGE SORRY TO ALL THE PEOPLE I HAVEN'T BEEN ANSWERING BUT MY DEPRESSION DOESN'T LET ME TALK MUCH SO SORRY 

"Maybe become a parent yourself and when you take your daughter to Paris for the first time, it won't be for a sad reason. It will be so you can tell her us... and what I did for you... and what you did for me."
          
          "What did I do for you?"
          
          "You lived." 
          
          -Red Band Society: We'll Always Have Paris

Red Band Society fucks me up even more now