nonbinary.jay

updated a new chapter would love to have you there <3

Hey I need book recommendations!!! The recent book I was reading it was called Kismet literally got taken down super annoying:( but oh well. I want recommendations!!! I love a agegap. I love older women. I love women in power so like a ceo or something like that. I love lesbians it has to be wlw cuz I don’t read about men cuz ewww lol. Something long more than 30 chapters. An ongoing book is ok but it has to be newly ongoing. I love a good poly couple book. I also love little to caregiver book. I’m just kinda read so much that I feel like there isn’t anymore options to read from. But I know that’s not true. I love love love a good BDSM dynamic. You can look at my reading list and give anything that isn’t on there. Oh and I’m not into fanfic unless the fanfic includes resident evil the very tall and beautiful lady Alcinia Dimitriscu I love her. I just kinda feel bored at the moment I need need something to read so PLEASE HELP!!!

Happy new year girly

Check out my reading list apparently everyone likes it and honestly it’s pretty good 

Today I went home early from work because I kept throwing up I’m fine now but oh my god that was horrible I just woke from a nap and I’m so drowsy like I totally could go back to sleep but if I do I’m not sleeping tonight and I have work tomorrow morning 

Hey if you are at least 19+ and want to be friends you should add me on discord at nonbinary.jay lets chat and be friends!!!

So I finally start my new job tomorrow this last week was full of anxiety, but today I can finally breath I felt like I was going to suffocate and die but I made it out. I seriously am in need of a caregiver. All I ever want is to be taken care of instead of being an adult. I don’t age regress but I love cartoons and I have so many stuffies and I love to color and I like doing childlike thing. I just want someone to help me within my life. I am 31 so they have to be older or similar age. I just had a shitty mom who had zero maturnal bones in her body. I just don’t know what a mother’s unconditional love is even like. I was the good daughter she wanted then I came out as gay then I came out as nonbinary and she just turned against me. I am married but I want someone different I don’t want a sexual thing with a caregiver I just want to know what it’s like to be loved like a parent should love their kid. I don’t know if that makes sense. Or if that is how cargiving works. Maybe this is a pointless thing to say. I feel like so many of the MDLG books I read just make me so happy. I just want that kind of relationship you know, I feel like that’s not a lot to ask for!

Hey I saw your comment on a book and saw you were into sapphic lesbian stories, I'm a new writer here and if you could give my book a peak I'd like to know your thoughts. If you don't that's always okay too have a nice  day or night depending on when you see this. ;)

So yesterday was a very bad day but today is a complete 180. I applied for some jobs and I have an interview on Tuesday the 30th. Please hope that I get it. Please send me your good vibes. I’m not kidding when I say I seriously need this job. I’m tired of being unemployed!!!!!!

My mental health today is the worse it’s been in a long time. I literally just don’t want to be here anymore. Who thought going into your 30s would be so horrible. I’m 31 now and I have lost my job twice once when I was 30 and again turning 31. This world is horrible I don’t have very many people in my life. Yeah I’m married and I love my wife very much but right now I just want to disappear and be forgotten. I don’t want people to pity me, or give me advice. I just wanted to put this out here. I’m not asking for attention I just wanted to make this known. I feel like everyone always thinks I’m so damn happy but I’m not. I’m far from happy, everyday is just another day where I wake up and live my life. I’ve lost two best friends in two years all because of my mental health. Did they check on me no. They never did I don’t think I’ve never had a best friend that truly cared about me. My childhood best friend that I met in kindergarten I’ve known her for practically most my life got a boyfriend a few years ago and finally just stopped talking to me. My own family is horrible it’s mostly my mom all she did was abuse me. I don’t think I’ve ever had love until I met my wife which honestly was a breath of fresh air. But that motherly love is all I’ve ever wanted. I feel lost and I’m so far in the deep that I can’t seem to get out. I feel like I’m suffocating. I try and I try to apply for jobs but my anxiety is so bad it’s so hard to apply for jobs. Being an adult is so hard. Sorry for this. I just had to rant. I thought it could help me feel better but honestly it didn’t.