nonbinary.jay

Happy new year girly

Check out my reading list apparently everyone likes it and honestly it’s pretty good 

Today I went home early from work because I kept throwing up I’m fine now but oh my god that was horrible I just woke from a nap and I’m so drowsy like I totally could go back to sleep but if I do I’m not sleeping tonight and I have work tomorrow morning 

Hey if you are at least 19+ and want to be friends you should add me on discord at nonbinary.jay lets chat and be friends!!!

So I finally start my new job tomorrow this last week was full of anxiety, but today I can finally breath I felt like I was going to suffocate and die but I made it out. I seriously am in need of a caregiver. All I ever want is to be taken care of instead of being an adult. I don’t age regress but I love cartoons and I have so many stuffies and I love to color and I like doing childlike thing. I just want someone to help me within my life. I am 31 so they have to be older or similar age. I just had a shitty mom who had zero maturnal bones in her body. I just don’t know what a mother’s unconditional love is even like. I was the good daughter she wanted then I came out as gay then I came out as nonbinary and she just turned against me. I am married but I want someone different I don’t want a sexual thing with a caregiver I just want to know what it’s like to be loved like a parent should love their kid. I don’t know if that makes sense. Or if that is how cargiving works. Maybe this is a pointless thing to say. I feel like so many of the MDLG books I read just make me so happy. I just want that kind of relationship you know, I feel like that’s not a lot to ask for!

Hey I saw your comment on a book and saw you were into sapphic lesbian stories, I'm a new writer here and if you could give my book a peak I'd like to know your thoughts. If you don't that's always okay too have a nice  day or night depending on when you see this. ;)

So yesterday was a very bad day but today is a complete 180. I applied for some jobs and I have an interview on Tuesday the 30th. Please hope that I get it. Please send me your good vibes. I’m not kidding when I say I seriously need this job. I’m tired of being unemployed!!!!!!

My mental health today is the worse it’s been in a long time. I literally just don’t want to be here anymore. Who thought going into your 30s would be so horrible. I’m 31 now and I have lost my job twice once when I was 30 and again turning 31. This world is horrible I don’t have very many people in my life. Yeah I’m married and I love my wife very much but right now I just want to disappear and be forgotten. I don’t want people to pity me, or give me advice. I just wanted to put this out here. I’m not asking for attention I just wanted to make this known. I feel like everyone always thinks I’m so damn happy but I’m not. I’m far from happy, everyday is just another day where I wake up and live my life. I’ve lost two best friends in two years all because of my mental health. Did they check on me no. They never did I don’t think I’ve never had a best friend that truly cared about me. My childhood best friend that I met in kindergarten I’ve known her for practically most my life got a boyfriend a few years ago and finally just stopped talking to me. My own family is horrible it’s mostly my mom all she did was abuse me. I don’t think I’ve ever had love until I met my wife which honestly was a breath of fresh air. But that motherly love is all I’ve ever wanted. I feel lost and I’m so far in the deep that I can’t seem to get out. I feel like I’m suffocating. I try and I try to apply for jobs but my anxiety is so bad it’s so hard to apply for jobs. Being an adult is so hard. Sorry for this. I just had to rant. I thought it could help me feel better but honestly it didn’t. 

@HeythereAuthor I miss you your most recent story is so good omg I’m finally all caught up so so good your doing great 

I love you reading list