noshimin

i’ve been in a situation where i’ve been with someone. he fell first, she fell harder, he left, and she stayed. to me that’s what it feels like. and now i feel like he’s lost feelings for me. because these little arguments had chased him away. was it my fault? i tried to be the perfect person for him. and it just ended with me crying every night. while my heart is aching and my chest tightening, i just keep thinking how ill never be good enough. i’m trying my best. but maybe someone will love me for who i am. and to be honest i don’t really want anyone else other than him. but should i wait? or will that waste my time? will his feelings for me diminish? or will he still like me the same? does he miss me? or is he sick of me? only time will tell…

noshimin

i’ve been in a situation where i’ve been with someone. he fell first, she fell harder, he left, and she stayed. to me that’s what it feels like. and now i feel like he’s lost feelings for me. because these little arguments had chased him away. was it my fault? i tried to be the perfect person for him. and it just ended with me crying every night. while my heart is aching and my chest tightening, i just keep thinking how ill never be good enough. i’m trying my best. but maybe someone will love me for who i am. and to be honest i don’t really want anyone else other than him. but should i wait? or will that waste my time? will his feelings for me diminish? or will he still like me the same? does he miss me? or is he sick of me? only time will tell…

noshimin

there are times where i feel good about myself. where i think im good enough for someone. and i do well. however right now i dont. i feel like im always doing something wrong and i can’t live up the expectations of being with someone. i dont feel good enough for them to show me off if they could. there’s always something wrong and i happen to be the cause of it. where am i going wrong. what am i doing wrong. why can’t i see it. why can’t i see what’s wrong. why am i too hard to be loved. i want to give all my love so so much. i want to say i love you. i want to look in your eyes i say it. but i’m waiting for a moment. this really specific moment. but i don’t feel good enough. i can’t meet your standards. i don’t think im good enough for you. while you deserve better and while i want to be your wife and lover i also don’t want us to be a complicated thing. i don’t want to cry about how shitty of person i am to you. i want to love you. i want to show you i love you. i need you to let me love you. i need you to see my side properly. i can’t keep it in. i’ve cried heavily wondering if it’s the end.

noshimin

Perhaps I’m not smart. Intellectual. Not able to make people proud. My siblings who set standards for my family that I couldn’t exceed. My inability to accomplish things because how slow I am. How hard it is for me to comprehend things and understand things. Yet I get beat down for it all the time. They don’t understand my frustration when I try to do well in certain aspects of things in life. I don’t think my family understands how it takes a toll on me that I’m not clever. That I don’t sleep well. That I can’t meet their expectations and standards because I am not my siblings. They did so well in life and I just can’t do it. I’m not them. Yet I’m criticised for it all. I love my family but they don’t ask if I’m really okay. They get angry when I’m upset. But why. Why can’t it be okay for me to feel so horrible. Instead it’s a competition of who went through the worst. I want people to say it’s okay that I’m slow and incompetent and not able to understand quickly. But I’ll get there eventually. I just want my family to be there for me. I try to open up but it’s scary. So scary because I could be criticised again. Is it not okay for me to struggle through so much not knowing how to handle it on my own? I need support. But I don’t have any. This vent is only for those who go through the same as me. And it’s easier letting out my frustration on an app where barely any people interact and pay attention to my account. But with this vent please know you’re not alone.

noshimin

Hello! I know it’s been nearly two years since I’ve been able to update on anything. These past two years of college had been the most horrific and I have my finals next and other days after it. So a good luck is really needed. I haven’t been the best throughout these two years. It’s been tough. Very tough. With covid included it just ruined practically everything for my college years. My plan is to figure out my next steps and how to gain the best from it. An 18 year old is struggling to live her life at the moment with education and and top of that earning money for myself so I can save. At this point I’m trying my best. The best I can to achieve and make people proud. I’m trying. And I’ll try not to give up. 
          
          Thank you for being patient and enjoying my works. I want to create a story sometime soon. No idea when but soon. I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. Again thank you so much. 
          
          Love Noshi!